I just feel like I'm on the defensive; instead of being the victim I'm the murderer. I'll plea "not guilty" even as I sit in court with my hands laden with crimson blood. Of course, I won't get away with it because my imaginary world is quite just---but that's besides the point.
My tactics have been taught to me by people who were once of the utmost importance. I have a mirror full of the terrible things that those I loved have put me through and now, I'm using them for myself.
But why? It's not as though I intentionally decided to be evil, it's just a way for me to defend myself from the very few insecurities I do have. Instead of trying things I run away, I say "I don't know," I hide, and cower in fear... in fear of myself.
I make too many mistakes and I think far too deeply, far too often. And as a result I hurt those I care about. It becomes a repeating process and at the end of the day I begin to realize that I'm breaking my own heart.
When will I learn?
