There's hope yet

     I think I've been right all along; I'm stubborn at times, but this time I feel like I'm right. I've never been more determined than I am right at this instant. It's such an amazing feeling...
     I feel it in my heart and in my mind, they're finally in agreement! There's no "possible scenarios" playing in between them or one covering up the beliefs of the other. My mind and heart are at peace with one another, and we're preparing for what lies ahead.
     My plans aren't changing, I'll be out of here in a matter of months. I'm excited and it's almost impossible to contain this feeling! But you'll see world. You will see!

Math

     Do you remember the last few minutes I spent with you? I'm crying like I was then, but at that time, I buried myself in your arms. In between my sobs, I apologized for crying and I told you that I loved you. I asked you to thank your mom for everything because she had done so much for us, I really appreciated everything. We kissed and I shuffled off towards the airport security... that was in November.

     We haven't seen each other since.

.....and I fucking miss you.

But I can't be your friend.

 Because I wouldn't know where to draw the line.

So long my honey, goodbye my dear

      "You were everywhere, I swear." I've uttered that line to you so many times before, but it's always true. It's always true. Maybe it's just my mind putting you in places you didn't belong because you've always been hiding in the depths of my brain.
     Just this past Tuesday, you were everywhere. I don't remember every little thing that I saw that reminded me of you, but the one that hit me hardest was this store called Paper Bear. At a quick glance, I read "Papa Bear," one of my nicknames for you, and had to take a second look to make sure that I wasn't seeing things. But of course, I was. And though it was subconsciously, I placed you there.
     I thought about you today and other past relationships, trying to find the point from which things turned from fantastic to terrible. Then I thought about how much I can't stand the thought of being your friend; I couldn't understand how you could be so cool about it, when it saddens me so much.
     Just then I realized what a hypocrite I was to be so taken aback by your desire to remain friends. After all, I had done the exact same thing you're doing to me to someone who was in the position I'm in. I felt like a complete jerk to have broken up with someone, found someone else, and expected the person I just broke up with to be my friend. I finally understand not being friends with your exes, FINALLY.
     Well, you're happy now and I'm happy for you, but I can't continue to be in your life right now. I can't be friends with someone who I put so much into to have none of that reciprocated. It's selfish, I know, but it's only to better myself. To make myself stronger than yesterday. To make room for someone who will share the same feelings. You didn't love me like I loved you, and I can accept that. I just can't be your friend anymore. Maybe later when I can accept that you're off in your own world and I'm here in mine, but for now goodbye.

Gonna Get Along Without You

(By: She & Him)

"Uh huh, hmm hmm
Gonna get along without you now
Uh huh, hmm hmm
Gonna get along without you now

You told me I was the neatest thing
You even asked me to wear your ring
You ran around with every girl in town
You didn't even care if it got me down

Uh huh, hmm hmm
Gonna get along without you now
Mhm mhm, hmm hmm
Gonna get along without you now

Got along without you before I met you
Gonna get along without you now
Gonna find somebody who is twice as cute
'Cause you didn't want me anyhow

You told everybody that we were friends
But this is where our friendship ends
'Cause all of a sudden you even changed your tune
You haven't been around since way last June

Uh huh, hmm hmm
Gonna get along without you now
Got along without you before I met you
Gonna get along without you now

So long my honey, goodbye my dear
Gonna get along without you now

Uh huh, hmm hmm
Gonna get along without you now
Got along without you before I met you
Gonna get along without you now

So long my honey, goodbye my dear
Gonna get along without you now"

SDB

     Please excuse my tardiness, but this post is about my extremely fantastic friend Bryant, or as I refer to him on my blog, SDB. SDB is awesome. He's put up with a lot of my shenanigans and given me a lot of good advice (that I usually completely ignored, lol). He is a part of my Carl (car) since he was the previous owner. We've spent a good chunk of the 2010-2011 year together doing some of the most random things, as depicted on the following photos of the napkin I drew for him! SDB is great and I'm lucky that he stuck around even though I've made terrible decisions and made him quite furious at me. He's the best of the best and I'm glad he's still my friend right now, and hopefully tomorrow too! I love you Bryant, Brad, SDB. :D

This is the full monty, above.

All others are just closer photos.

(:

  

Your days are numbered, as are mine

     My life has been filled with a lot of randomness lately, in an extremely good way. I've met so many people and done so much that it's baffling. I'll try to do this chronologically but I can guarantee nothing, my days have been quite a mess.

     My friend Leo and I finally had the opportunity to hang out because I got off of work early, so we decided to meet at McDonald's. I got there first and as I was waiting for Leo's arrival, I noticed these guys with longboards. I freaked out, internally, as a result of the excitement of seeing someone else with a longboard in this state of Texas. I approached them, asked where they boarded and then went on my merry way back to the table I had be sitting at.     After they had placed their orders one of the guys, whose name is Justin, asked if it was okay for he and his friends to join me. I agreed and they proceeded to tell crazy stories about things that had happened to them in the near past. I don't think I really talked much at that point, but Leo arrived shortly after.
     We sat there talking for a while and at some point we decided to go have a jam session back on the UTSA campus. It was quite epic. Leo was on the saxophone and Justin on the piano, it was simply amazing. I felt all lame because mariachi music fit in there nowhere. >_< Oh well.

     Leo ended up leaving around one in the morning and I stayed and chilled with the guys until six in the morning, ha ha. (I stayed out so late so my mom wouldn't be home when I got home.) I talked to Riley about life and the world around us until six; at which point he walked me to my car so I wouldn't get lost, ha ha. I gave him a ride back to the campus and then I proceeded in the direction of home. 

     I also had a sausage and cheese McGriddle.<3 Nom nom nom, :3 I don't know if I'll ever see those guys again, but I'm thinking of inviting them to Corpus or Austin next Tuesday. We'll see how that goes.

    For the past couple of days I've had to pull doubles at work, it's left me pretty exhausted but I got to experience a whole other world during graveyard shift, it gets to a point where it's almost serene. One night I worked from three pm to six am; and there was a point where I felt like I had done this many times before. It was almost scary. I don't know how else to explain it... but things have gotten back to normal mostly except that I'm getting a new job at Spaghetti Warehouse. All that means is I'll have to change my hours at IHOP and I'm sure they'll be okay with that, seeing as I do a lot for them.
     Yesterday was Valentine's day for me, because Taylor came to work and brought me a giant bear. :3 I love it and it smells so good, ha ha. Pawlie loves it too. It was nice because it was extremely slow at work and I got to just sit there and catch up with Taylor. She says she's gonna try to get a job at Wal-Mart. I hope she does so I can go harass her. xD I mean what else are friends for? Teehee.<3 I'm sure she'll appreciate it though.

     What did I tell you about me keeping things in chronological order? I totally forgot the whole taking my first break at IHOP ever, lol. Well yeah, Mike gave me like five bucks and I made this giant bowl at Genghis Grill. It was so epic and delicious! :3 And of course I took a photo of it. While I was at Genghis, this worker there stuck up a conversation with me about Pokémon because of my 3DS lanyard. It was really cool and he was very nice, nerdy too. Ha ha, but nerdy is a good thing in my opinion... *attempts to contain excitement over the upcoming release of Animal Crossing 3D* Teehee. :3

     I also forgot about the sprinkles! My brother and I went to IHOP on Sunday and I treated him to a burger. We had Candace as our server and left her a nice tip of like nine dollars. I don't remember how much exactly but it was more than enough for a eight-dollar ticket and two people. We hid the tip and I used sprinkles to point it out. Seeeeeeeeeeeeee? I thought it was pretty clever. P:
     I also took a photo while I was driving on the highway, totally not the safest thing to do but since it was late and rainy, very few vehicles were on the road. I think it's absolutely beautiful but maybe that's because I took it. P: I feel like it kind of represents how I felt then, like I know that everything is there and I'm grateful that I have it... but somehow I'm still a little bit sad, things are still a little bit dark. I don't know. Take what you will from it. (Oh and I tried to take it perfectly but after I would clear the window of drizzle, it would pollute the windshield as soon as I clicked the camera button. -_-" Ohhh weelllll.)
     Happy Mid-February everyone. I hope to be posting more often these days, but between two jobs and trying to maintain a wee bit of a social life... we'll see what happens!

XOXO,

Passíon<333

Enjoy these photos:

I will totally own this moped one day.

It's only like $1,200!

:D

I wanted this dress but Kasey said "Nay."

So I'm taking her word for it.

That is all.