I just feel like I'm on the defensive; instead of being the victim I'm the murderer. I'll plea "not guilty" even as I sit in court with my hands laden with crimson blood. Of course, I won't get away with it because my imaginary world is quite just---but that's besides the point.
My tactics have been taught to me by people who were once of the utmost importance. I have a mirror full of the terrible things that those I loved have put me through and now, I'm using them for myself.
But why? It's not as though I intentionally decided to be evil, it's just a way for me to defend myself from the very few insecurities I do have. Instead of trying things I run away, I say "I don't know," I hide, and cower in fear... in fear of myself.
I make too many mistakes and I think far too deeply, far too often. And as a result I hurt those I care about. It becomes a repeating process and at the end of the day I begin to realize that I'm breaking my own heart.
When will I learn?
5 comments:
This isn't the awesimity of a person I know. Passion, it makes me sad to see you being all emo, when you told me in the past that you won't get anywhere with a bad attitude. Stop doing this to yourself, look up not down, turn that frown upside down. Just remember, under all the mixed feelings, you know that you don't have to have them. Passion, you need to be happy and such, not sad. Feel better soon, foo
To the person above, I've said that many times to her, and it only seem to work for a bit before she goes back. Honestly, I think too deeply also, but instead of acting on these thoughts, I just keep them to myself, and get rid of the emotions through running, soccer, or gaming. She just needs to find other outlets for her emotions. But I know you will still keep doing it besides my advice lol. Your too stubborn. But most people will get over you hurting them, just some may take longer then others
I know, guys. I really need to lighten up and I'm working on it. Things have just changed so drastically so many times in such a short span of time that it leaves me grabbing at the the time that's slipped through the seams of my sweater. But there are some good things going on that are making me fell better about things.
It's hard, but I'm trying.
good things...like IHOP!!!!
Mhm, that's what a lot of people put themselves through. Breaking their own hearts I mean. I certainly was, but I saved myself. I can only hope for those that still need to realize what they're doing.
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