Lack of focus

     It was difficult to wrap my mind around work last night because I've been so consumed by the most recent dream I had. The dream was long and I don't care to get into any detail about it, but the thing that made the dream so terrible is that it reflected my real life fear.
     I'm afraid that someone will fall in love with me, not because they want to but rather, because the person who was their initial object of their affections cannot or will not love them.
     It hurts to feel like I'll never be more than second best to anyone, even in my dreams. That the person to whom I devote my time and efforts to would prefer to have someone other than me, to feel like my love is just a fallback plan...
     I woke up, still screaming and crying about how I couldn't handle it. How I couldn't stand to be number one if there was a number two. How I couldn't bear to hold anyone back from who they really wanted to be with.
     I'm terrified of having no one beside me...

But then here I am, alone.