New Year, new place

     I made the over 24-hour journey from San Antonio, Texas to Virginia Beach, Virginia with only the company of my homosexual/derpy kitten, Princess Leia. We experienced a lot of set backs but in three days, we made it home.(:
     To date, I am staying with my best friend, Miss Kasey Smith. And I am in the process of obtaining an occupation and a new place of residence. These simple things have proven to be a little more challenging than not, but I have faith that things will work in my favor. :D
   

Here's a list of my awesome New Year's resolutions:

1. Run (Three-mile runs every day)
2. Be pretty (Like, doll myself up all the time)
3. Word of the day (Document and use the word to expand my vocabulary)
4. Don't have sex outside of a relationship (Which doesn't mean get a boyfriend just so I can have sex)
5. Call my family every week.

Sorry this post is short and lame.
You'll get some consolations photos in time.
(:

Global Positioning System (GPS)

     I've been graduated from high school for over a year and my life still has no direction. I have no desire to do anything but leave this town. But how am I supposed to travel down any path when my internal compass is broken?
     On top of that, I have this tremendous fear of not enjoying the world as I am now. I need to experience what world has to offer, in my youth and freedom. I can't see myself being tied to any place for too long. I just can't. I'm too young to settle down and too fickle to decide what direction I would want to continually pursue. I don't believe in the whole, "go to college and do your basics" business. I feel like it would more of a waste of time than what I'm currently doing.
     I just don't fit into the cookie cutter molds that American society has created for people of my age, but upon hearing the progress and success of others', I freak out even more knowing that my life is floating on a stagnant steam to nowhere.

I need to leave this city, I won't find my passion here.

But where do I begin?

Lack of focus

     It was difficult to wrap my mind around work last night because I've been so consumed by the most recent dream I had. The dream was long and I don't care to get into any detail about it, but the thing that made the dream so terrible is that it reflected my real life fear.
     I'm afraid that someone will fall in love with me, not because they want to but rather, because the person who was their initial object of their affections cannot or will not love them.
     It hurts to feel like I'll never be more than second best to anyone, even in my dreams. That the person to whom I devote my time and efforts to would prefer to have someone other than me, to feel like my love is just a fallback plan...
     I woke up, still screaming and crying about how I couldn't handle it. How I couldn't stand to be number one if there was a number two. How I couldn't bear to hold anyone back from who they really wanted to be with.
     I'm terrified of having no one beside me...

But then here I am, alone.

I've got battle scars

     You can only keep fighting for so long until you lose. And now that I've been on the ground kicking, for seems like a second lifetime, it's time for me to give it a rest.
     We're taught to never give-up... But sometimes you gotta have sense enough to live. It was a good fight but some battles aren't meant to be won.
     I'll always care about the people I fought so hard to keep around. Though in the end the battle wasn't lost because I didn't try, it was lost because I was too concerned with trying to protect he who I was fighting.

My only viable option is to heal my wounds and carry on.

♥

Words exchanged

     This was was "bye." Not even "goodbye." I don't even know how to put my thoughts into words. I'm sorry for this pitiful post.