ACNL life

I made a path pattern for Animal Crossing New Leaf! I'm pretty proud of myself. :3 Feel to use them!

Here are some samples of how it may look in your town.

(:

Pulling over

     You asked me to pull over so you could get out of the car; I hesitated but you persisted. I pulled over and looked at you, tears filling my eyes. You shook your head 'no,' because we both knew that I was wrong. There was nothing left for me to do but unlock the doors and let you take the dangerous trek down the side of the highway with your thumb out, in hopes that someone new would care enough to pick you up; to be so daring as to take a chance on you. 

     It might be a while before someone takes that risk and you might get cold on those nights that you could have been warmed by the heat of my car but you knew this---you knew this long before I pulled over. 

     But I can see you in my rearview mirror, getting into another car...

Mph

     Life is a lot like driving; you travel at the speed of your choice, whether it is faster, slower, or equal to the posted speed limit. No one but you will understand why you've chosen to travel so quickly or slowly, but we've all got our own destinations to get to and our people to see.

     While driving on the highway, I like to think of the cars around you as the people in your life. Some of them stick behind you for a while until they out grow you or feel like you're holding them back, at which point they'll change lanes and pass you up because they've finally figured out where they want to go in life. 

     Then there's the cars that travel at the same speed as you but exit before you do. Like acquaintances at a mutual friend's party, y'all are in the same place for a time but it's not really important and you are not really relevant to each other except for a few minutes.

     And finally, there are the people with you in your car. Whether or not these people are your close friends and family, they represent them. They represent the people who will always be there for you in you life, no matter where you are on the road. 

Goal Updates (3.0)

     It's been a while since I have had the time and/or desire to do one of these, so here you go!

Goal #1: Live past 2012
 Uhm, hai. It's June 2013. I win, lol.

Goal #43: Befriend a homosexual
Becoming friends with homosexuals is pretty easy, seeing as I've become friends with at least three of them within the past two years, one of which was my roommate for a time. Maintaining them is another thing entirely lol. Oh well.

Goal #102: Learn to drive a stick-shift
I actually completed this goal quite a while ago... so long ago, in fact, that I might have to relearn it lol. My stepmother had the pleasure of being my instructor, and I think I caught on pretty quickly. Hopefully it's stuck. ;P

Goal #103: Experience a fire
I had a dream that while I was trying to make the cable remote work for the television, a small fire started on the far left corner of my patio. Ferick, my boyfriend, walked over to see what it was only to find it growing at a rapid pace. I noticed, dropped the cable remote, and ran to the front door as Ferick tried to open the sliding glass door. I screamed for him to come to the door because of how quickly the fire was growing. I touched the door knob and it was extremely hot, so I grabbed Ferick's hand and pulled him behind me as we ran to my room. The fire followed us immediately, cracking the ground in its wake. I looked around the room, scanning for a possible escape before exclaiming, "the window!" We pushed up the window and kicked down the screen and made our way out of My bedroom. My entire apartment was ablaze. I woke up crying, but happy to find myself in the safety of my boyfriend's house and that he was alive. A wave of sadness hit me when I didn't know what happened to Princess Leia, my cat, in my dream... but Ferick convinced me that my kitty made it out alive. And this is as close to experiencing a fire I ever need to get.

Goal #127: Work at Target
I forgot that this was on here! But I worked for Target for a couple of months before I moved from Texas to Virginia. I loved it and the discount. B)

Goal #123: Crowd Surf
This has happened a couple of times since I've crossed it out of my "Before I Perish..." list. It's cool and fun and I wanna do it all over again. :3



OKAY, I"M DONE.

Antsy

     I've only been in Virginia for six months and I'm already plotting my escape.


     I don't know what it is about life that makes me so eager to pick up my things and go, but I can't shake the feeling. I mean, I have a lot going for me here; friends, some family, a boyfriend, a job, a place to live---but it all feels like nothing compared to my desire to travel. There's always something pulling me away from wherever I currently am to explore everything I have yet to see. My drifting companion, Eduardo, seems to doubt my commitment to our plans of drifting, but I am more determined than ever; because even when I get caught up in the daily grind, my lust for travel only grows.
     Now I'm only six months away from the end of this year, the end of my lease, the beginning of a new year, and a year of travelling.

*raises glass* 

TO THE NEW YEAR!

Piccadilly Circus

      I woke up with tears streaming down my face as a result of this dream.

     I was in London with my best friend, showing her around the places that I had been before, "Here's where I creeped a photo with that cute guy in the background!" "I know," she laughed, "I've seen that photo a dozen times before."
     We continued walking around the Piccadilly Circus area when we came across a cute looking shop to wander around. Kasey stayed at the front of the store and, as I made my way to the back, two children; one boy and one girl, grabbed my hands and took me to a Harry Potter display. "Please tell us the story of this chest," the little girl pleaded with a soft, British accent. I looked down at the kids and smiled in agreement.
     I began to pull things out of the chest one by one, describing what I imagined would have taken place with said items, it had been so long since I read the Harry Potter series. The children laughed and the little boy grabbed my hands and chuckled, "No, no, you're telling it all wrong."
     Slowly, the accents faded and the two children became Jasmine and Justin, my ex-boyfriend's younger siblings. It felt so warm and natural to be around them again, even after all this time had passed. Everything seemed to be going over so smoothly, even Joey's son was sitting with us.
     Joey's mom started walking over to the kids and I; I was smiling, expecting her to say hello and give me a hug, but instead she began yelling at me about how I needed to leave Joey and his family alone, that I was no longer a part of it and that I should be nowhere near Joey and Savannah's little boy. I was baffled beyond belief---Joey's mom had never yelled at me, even after Joey and I had ended our relationship. She had always been like a mom to me, a mom that I never felt like I really had. For her to come to me with such negativity was unheard of until now.
     I began crying and I could see the sadness forming on Jasmine's face through my tears. This isn't how I wanted my vacation to go. Where was my best friend? Why was I getting yelled at out of coincidence? I wasn't stalking Joey and his family, it's a small world...
     Savannah came to me with even worse words than Joey's mother. My head was spinning and I couldn't comprehend what was happening. There I was, the world a blur behind watery eyes as I sat against the Harry Potter display in the fetal position.

     I woke up with tears streaming down my face as a result of this dream. 

On keeping thoughts

     I wonder a lot about what makes a thought worthy of being recorded. Must the thought be provoking or intelligent? Need it be substantial or complex? Or does the mere figment of a thought deserve to be written/typed for the sake of having thought?

     This evening at work, I was deep cleaning my section when a series of simple thoughts evolved into a wild scene in my mind. It started with me questioning my course of actions based on the way the customers might perceive them; I was cleaning my table tops, as well as the chairs, booth seats, light fixtures, and window sills, all with the same towel. Some, probably most, customers would see this as an abomination because, well, you don't wipe your kitchen counter with the toilet paper you used to wipe your ass. (I hope that was an accurate enough explanation, even if it exaggerates a bit...)
     As I'm cleaning, I'm thinking that I can get away with using the same towel by giving off the impression that I'm going into another room to get a new one. No one would ever know, at least I think they wouldn't.
     I am, physically, wiping my table but in my mind I'm walking from the passbar back into my section, when a man mutters, "that's the same towel." I look over my left shoulder and see the man in an anime-esque glaring-at-the-ground-and-darkness-covers-his-eyes postion. "That's... the same towel," he repeats, a little louder. I turn so that our bodies are facing each other, "excuse me sir?"
     "THAT'S THE SAME TOWEL!!!" He yells, pointing at me with his right index finger and his left hand in a fist at his waist. The scene behind him is yellow lines raining over a white background, his eyes are solid white and, of course, anime-esque. The towel drops from my hands onto the floor and the man begins again, "Did you think that we wouldn't know? DID YOU THINK THAT WE WERE ALL FOOLS? WE'RE NOT FOOLS!!!"
     The screen in my mind pans out into a sky overview of the section I was working in. Each person is just a solid blob of yellow until the "fools" are revealed by an awkward sounding short gong and being stamped with the word "FOOL" in large red letters. This starts slowly and progressively gets faster until everyone in the room, except this man and myself, are labeled "FOOL."
     My imagination ceases and I return to the chore of cleaning tables and the like. I look around briefly, completely aware that I have added about one-hundred people into the room simply because I was thinking about a towel.

     I wrote a rough outline of this because I didn't want to forget it. But typically, I don't write down things I really want to remember. So that brings us back to our initial question, what makes a thought worthy of recording? What makes you record one thought over another? And think about the medium you are using to convey said thoughts, why do you chose Twitter over a pen and notepad? Why a word document over a blogging website?

What makes a thought worth recording...?

Internal learning

     There have been a lot of thoughts swimming through my head as of late, but the most interesting have been about myself. (Probably because I am myself, ha ha.) But these things interest me because I'm starting to question the motives behind some of the actions I choose. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret a single action I choose because I am happy for who I am today and I hope that I can say the same tomorrow. Please allow me to clarify.
   
     Lately, I have become much more aware of my indifference towards most things. When it comes down to making a decision about something, either option is just as appealing to me because I really couldn't care either way. When I reflect on the decision later, I ponder what drove me to choose said option. I don't wonder what life would have been like if I chose the other because, with my indifference, not much would have been different. I ask "Did I choose this because of how I felt at the moment?" "Was this chosen as a result of habit?" And other such questions.
     At the end of the day, my goal is to reach the core of my decision making, to figure out what is driving me to do what I do, and the cause of my indifference. And until I can get to the roots of my pondering, all I can do in continue to interrogate myself.

Universal Patience

Somehow it seems that things are forever off balance for us. We are never on the same page but we are always reading the same book; sometimes you're far ahead while I'm stuck reading the same page a thousand times over, other times, the reverse is true. But the fact that neither of us has put the book down after over three years must mean something, right?

New Year, new place

     I made the over 24-hour journey from San Antonio, Texas to Virginia Beach, Virginia with only the company of my homosexual/derpy kitten, Princess Leia. We experienced a lot of set backs but in three days, we made it home.(:
     To date, I am staying with my best friend, Miss Kasey Smith. And I am in the process of obtaining an occupation and a new place of residence. These simple things have proven to be a little more challenging than not, but I have faith that things will work in my favor. :D
   

Here's a list of my awesome New Year's resolutions:

1. Run (Three-mile runs every day)
2. Be pretty (Like, doll myself up all the time)
3. Word of the day (Document and use the word to expand my vocabulary)
4. Don't have sex outside of a relationship (Which doesn't mean get a boyfriend just so I can have sex)
5. Call my family every week.

Sorry this post is short and lame.
You'll get some consolations photos in time.
(:

Global Positioning System (GPS)

     I've been graduated from high school for over a year and my life still has no direction. I have no desire to do anything but leave this town. But how am I supposed to travel down any path when my internal compass is broken?
     On top of that, I have this tremendous fear of not enjoying the world as I am now. I need to experience what world has to offer, in my youth and freedom. I can't see myself being tied to any place for too long. I just can't. I'm too young to settle down and too fickle to decide what direction I would want to continually pursue. I don't believe in the whole, "go to college and do your basics" business. I feel like it would more of a waste of time than what I'm currently doing.
     I just don't fit into the cookie cutter molds that American society has created for people of my age, but upon hearing the progress and success of others', I freak out even more knowing that my life is floating on a stagnant steam to nowhere.

I need to leave this city, I won't find my passion here.

But where do I begin?

Lack of focus

     It was difficult to wrap my mind around work last night because I've been so consumed by the most recent dream I had. The dream was long and I don't care to get into any detail about it, but the thing that made the dream so terrible is that it reflected my real life fear.
     I'm afraid that someone will fall in love with me, not because they want to but rather, because the person who was their initial object of their affections cannot or will not love them.
     It hurts to feel like I'll never be more than second best to anyone, even in my dreams. That the person to whom I devote my time and efforts to would prefer to have someone other than me, to feel like my love is just a fallback plan...
     I woke up, still screaming and crying about how I couldn't handle it. How I couldn't stand to be number one if there was a number two. How I couldn't bear to hold anyone back from who they really wanted to be with.
     I'm terrified of having no one beside me...

But then here I am, alone.

I've got battle scars

     You can only keep fighting for so long until you lose. And now that I've been on the ground kicking, for seems like a second lifetime, it's time for me to give it a rest.
     We're taught to never give-up... But sometimes you gotta have sense enough to live. It was a good fight but some battles aren't meant to be won.
     I'll always care about the people I fought so hard to keep around. Though in the end the battle wasn't lost because I didn't try, it was lost because I was too concerned with trying to protect he who I was fighting.

My only viable option is to heal my wounds and carry on.

♥

Words exchanged

     This was was "bye." Not even "goodbye." I don't even know how to put my thoughts into words. I'm sorry for this pitiful post.

An elderly mind

     As I was driving home from work today, I came to the conclusion that my mind is old. I mean, I've come to this conclusion before but this time the thought persisted. Enough to make me want to blog about it. I was subconsciously taking note of how I respond to people in certain situations, specifically of the love/like category, and I felt like my responses were somewhat inappropriate for one of my position.
     For example, a co-worker of mine has a crush on me. While helping this co-worker clean another co-worker's table, a little boy passed by, waved, and thanked me. After the boy left, I stated that, "Little kids are the cutest things ever." So the co-worker with the crush said, "I could say the same thing about you." I know he meant that in the sweetest way possible but my mind perceived it as humorous. It was as if I was this woman, so much older than he, listening to a teenage boy's attempt to compliment the prettiest girl in class.
     This whole "elderly mind" thing is pretty funny though, given that I'm blessed (or cursed) with the structure of what many believe to be a twelve-year-old girl. A mind so old in a body so young... It must be mockery of some sort! For what happens when my mind passes? Am I left? Or am I just a beautiful shell, left to rot? Or does the state of my mind determine the fate of my body? Quite possibly, it is the other way around.

Regardless, I am Passíon and will remain as such until my mind grows too weary to carry on.

The best advice

     I was back tracking on my blog posts and came across this post. It's amazing how relevant it is to my life right now and amazing how so much has changed again. I am no longer in the state of bliss that I have been for the past two weeks. Somethings are too good to be true, like the relationship I had with Robert.
     I feel like this happened for a reason, though. Like there's some major life lesson that I haven't learned within the past three years. I refuse to become one of those people who ask, "why does this always happen to me?" Because the answer is within myself, and within my actions.
     I am going to take the best advice I've received, the advice I gave myself back in February. I'm going to do things differently than I have in the past three years because it is obvious that it's not working, nor has it ever worked. And as much as I'd love to just sink back in, fight, and hold hope for what I thought I had, I can't. I can't keep holding myself back from what the universe has in store for me because of how much I care about someone, how much I love someone.

Letting go is never easy,

but I know it's what I have to do.

I love you.

Bye.

Happy Birthday In Advance

     I was going through my mother's computer and found a story I had written in my junior year of high school. I'm posting it not for the subject matter of the story, but for the way it was written and to show how it contrasts my life currently. It's always interesting to look back and see what was on my mind and in my heart. I'm beginning to go off on a tangent, so here you go. Enjoy.

 Happy Birthday In Advance

     It was June of Summer 2009; I remember making a photo album of memories for Joey and I. It was pretty simple; a blue photo album with the first flower he ever picked for me where the cover photo should be, our names spelled out in black stickers. Originally, I intended to save the photo album for July 23rd: Joey’s eighteenth birthday. Though, that changed when June 19th came around.
     On June 19th, 2009, I hung out with some friends I had been neglecting. We went to the Mayan Palace to watch Transformers 2, even though I didn’t want to see it. While I was at the movies, Joey was out with his girlfriend at the time, Riley. My friends and I were having a great time and I was actually enjoying the film. The movie ended at 1:01 am the next day and I chuckled, “Hey guys! Guess what time it is!” when no one replied, I continued, “It’s Juan o’ Juan! Ha, ha, ha!” It was getting late so Raymond drove me back home and I was curious as to what Joey was doing.
     “Hey, what’s up?” I texted, awaiting Joey’s reply. “This day could not get better!” I thought, satisfied with the day’s events. But the way he responded was stiff and awkward. “You’re acting different. What happened?” “We had a great day together, Riley and I. I want to give her another chance,” he replied, “I’m sorry, but you understand. Right?” It tore me to pieces because it wasn’t just a text, it felt like so much more. I could hear him say, ‘I’m sorry’, I could see the furrowed brow as he uttered ‘but you understand. Right?’ I closed my eyes and felt the hot tears run down my cheeks; I looked through the photo album, and decided that something needed to be done.
     “Hey ma, you hungry?” My mom asked. I wiped my tears away then said, “Yes mom. Can you make me something?” She left my room to make food that I was hardly hungry for. I needed a plan and I needed one fast; but I became distracted when, after an hour, my mom still hadn’t come tell me that the food was ready. I stood up from where I sat on my bed and walked from my bedroom into the kitchen, only to find the food still cooking and my mother asleep at the computer. I took the food of the burner, turned it off, then went to tell my mom that she should go to bed. She just shooed me away and on my way to my room, I checked the cable converter box as the time read 4:07 am. I couldn’t help but want to leave.
     “I need to see Joey, I need to talk to him,” I thought. He lived in an apartment complex on West Military Drive and I lived in a subdivision called Sky Harbour, a couple miles away. I’d ask myself, “How would I get there? What would I tell my mom? Would I just leave? What about the graduation party later in that evening?” Then the arguing would commence, “You’re going to get killed Passíon! You’re going to get hurt. What about your mom? Your thought process is illogical! What are you doing? Stay here!” Finally, against my own conscience, I decided I was going to flee from my home.
     Quickly, I packed my little backpack with a notebook, the photo album, my cell phone, a pen, and my house keys. As I left the house, the front door would not lock; that should’ve been enough to convince me to stay home but I refused to stop. I ran and ran until I’d see a vehicle, then I’d slow down out of paranoia. I was sure that my mom would come find me, but after a while I calmed down and hurried off to the apartment.
     I continued to run, on the burn of adrenaline, until I reached the little playground outside of Joey’s apartment window. I was cold but sweaty, my hair was a frazzled mess, I was dressed in pajama sweats and a large t-shirt, the adrenaline ceased to pump. It was a silly reason that I was out here, trying to fulfill Joey’s fantasy of having a sexy girl waiting for him out on this playground. I sat down on the slide and pulled my cell phone out of my bag; the time was 6:20 am. I dialed the ten digits that made up Joey’s number, and luckily he answered. “Hello?” He answered, obviously tired and confused. “Joey, look outside,” I said softly, trying hard to confine the tears I so longed to release. I watched the window until I saw one of his hands pull the blinds sown just enough to peek out to what he hadn’t expected. “What are you doing?!?” Joey exclaimed, concerned, “Come up here right now!” The tears began like sprinters at a track meet right after the sound of the gun. “Okay…” I managed to whisper. I hung up the phone and proceeded to the front door of the apartment, which was already wide-open when I got there. “You know, you’re lucky I needed to pee. Otherwise, I’d be asleep. So tell me…” the questions pressed on, “What are you doing here? How’d you get here? Are you okay?” In silence, we walked into Joey’s room and from there, everything happened.
     I sat on the floor closest to the room’s entrance while Joey sat on his bed, looking at me with eager eyes. I kept my glance up in an effort to prevent runaway tears and as I hugged my backpack, I began to speak.
     “I was going to save this for your birthday but I feel like you should see it now. You need to see it now before it’s too late…” I opened up the little backpack and pulled out the simple blue photo album. “I’ve collected many things that we’ve done together; notes I’ve written, little nick-knacks, movie tickets… you know, little things. I don’t know, I mean, it’s not amazing  but it is something that I put a lot of time and effort into. Something to show you how much I love you. Something that we can finish together, hopefully.” I handed Joey the blue photo album with the first flower he ever picked for me where the cover photograph should be, and I watched silently as he flipped the pages one by one. I saw the change in his face as he went from worry and tired confusion to simple delight. He looked up at me from the simple blue album and smiled. I turned my head to see his alarm clock change from 6:26 am to 6:27 am; arguably the longest sixty seconds in the history of time.
     “You know, you’re the only girl who does these kinds of thing for me,” Joey said calmly, “Just, just come here.” I sat by him on the bed and he kissed me. My eyes felt like bad plumbing because they’d leak endlessly; no matter how hard I tried to stop, it was utterly impossible. Joey wiped those tears from my face like morning dew being swept off of grass, then he told me to lay down. “You’re not going to run off back to your house, just stay here,” he commanded, “Okay?” I thought about leaving but suddenly, Joey’s arms were around me   and I was sound asleep.
     We woke up at around three o’ clock in the afternoon of June 20th, 2009. We began discussing the events that had recently occurred. “Why’d you come all the way over here? I thought you could handle it, you told me yourself. I thought you wanted me to make the decision on my own,” Joey asked, somewhat confused.
     “You’re right, I thought I could handle it when I said I could but I wasn’t expecting it to hurt this much. I mean, I’ve known that I loved you for quite a while now but, well, it felt like being broken up with. Except it was not just any break up, but more like the utmost important person leaving your life.”
 The sobs began as I pushed to continue, “I ran all the way over here from my house, against my better judgment. Maybe we’re not supposed to be together, I don’t know but I need to show you that you’re not just anyone to me. You’re not just ‘some boy’. You’re Joey and I love you. I knew you were important the day we met; I felt it in my bones then and I still feel it to this day.” I paused, sighed, then looked up at Joey.
     “I don’t do the things I do to convince you to be mine,” I continued, “I do them to show you that I love you, that I care about you. I ran over here this morning because I knew that if I didn’t, my crying would have made a scene at your graduation party. I don’t want to be a problem or a burden and I’d hate to impose… I just need you to see that, well, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ll always be here. Even if as only a friend, I need you in my life because you’ve changed it so much. I can’t lose you; not without a fight, in the least. I know I’m not really good at explanations but in the most simple way I can put it; I love you. I don’t know any other way to convey it.” I stopped, took a breath, and glanced over at Joey.
     “Wow,” he began, “I don’t know what to say but I do understand you. Look, it’s getting late. We should get ready for the party…” “Okay,” I said thoughtfully, “Just please think about what I said. Let’s go.”
     We left to my house so I could get dolled up for the party. I showered and put on my newest outfit: a cute green and white sundress with blue and yellow flowers all over. I walked in to the living room to look for my shoes, only to find Joey awestricken. “You look amazing,” he said. “Thank you,” I smiled, “Well let’s go, shall we?”
From then on things were different and they always would be. But if you think that is the end, you are sadly mistaken. This story has just begun.

This was me wanting all of that, all of Joey.

But that story has ended and an even more beautiful story has begun.

It's a little bit funny, isn't it?

~

Mario Party 7

     I'm sitting in the room that used to house my video games while Chris scrolls through Reddit on his phone. I can't help but think of what a great place I am in my life, though things have changed. I'm excited for the future but am enjoying everyday I have right now.

     I just turned in my high school transcripts to Northeast Lakeview College and it was the weirdest mix of emotions for me. I was excited to be taking steps to do something new with my life but at the same time I was freaking out at being at the mercy of someone else. I don't like not know how to go about things and I definitely do not like not being in control of situations. I'm all about not "imparing my future self" just in case I am the only person I have in the future... I doubt that though. Especially with the way that things are going between Robert and I.

      His visit here was just magical.<3 Jena and I took him on a Tuesdaycation to Rockport, we went to Andy's bachelor party, I taught him how to make a origami crane... well, I tried.(x I don't know how to put this visit in words... It wasn't the "perfect" that I had envisioned... It was even better! It was just amazing; having this person whom I love so much, sitting on my bed.

     I don't know what else to say without getting all mushy and junk. (I'm saving that for another day, be prepared. Ha ha!) Life is just grand! :D
     I have a boyfriend that has me just as completely as I have him, I have a good job, I'm going to be attending college in the near future... I have no complaints except that Mario Party 7 is kicking my ass, but hey! Whose ass isn't Mario Party 7 kicking?

Further than we were but not as far as we want to be

     Hello there, Blogger world. I've missed your company quite a bit. I've been on twitter all the time but it's just not the same as this. It's quicker and easier, but 140 characters could never replace the feeling I get when I blog.

     I see there's been a lot of cosmetic changes to Blogger and I can only hope that they do not keep me from continuing to post on a regular basis. (Which I soon hope to reestablish.) The only thing I hope to do now is update you on my position in life, along with other related events.




     As I type this I am sitting on the floor of my bedroom, leaning up against my bed with my feet touching the dresser in front of me. My room is finally clean and the carpet finally free of random piles of paper and crafts. The only thing that remains in disarray is my dresser top, full of scatter items collectively entitled "miscellaneous."
     Across the hall are the sleeping quarters of my dear friend, co-worker, and roommate Jena. She'll have been here three weeks Tuesday. That's relatively new, having a roommate. It's not weird at all and it makes things a lot easier since I wrecked my vehicle a while back during what I like to call a Tuesdaycation.
     The vehicle is not much to talk about so here's the run-down: On the way to the beach for Tuesdaycation. Bad/distracted/scared driving. Veering into the road. Over-correction. Landing in a ditch. The damage to the vehicle plus existing problems make the vehicle not worth repairing. Sell it to a salvage yard for about half a grand. No human injury, just life experience. Life goes on.
     Tuesdaycation was a thing "the guys" (who no longer attend) and I came up with. Do you recall this post? Justin and Mark, those are "the guys." I had randomly decided to invite them to go to Corpus with me and would just pick a place and go for all of Tuesday. It's a pretty cool concept actually, to just leave to world behind you for one day a week. It's something I try to do often. Jena has be my co-pilot for these adventure at for at least a month and a half now.
     My plans have changed to a certain degree now that I have to invest in a new vehicle. My overall plans are the same but they just have been pushed back a year. And in the year I am to stay in Texas, I'm going to attend a community college (or take online course) to have some education on my record for when I apply to SUVA later on. I've been moved to the morning shift at IHOP, for good. Which is exciting as it's the shift that makes more money, overall. (Today I made $111 and even got bored sometimes...) I hope to have a new vehicle by the end of the summer, but I can hold off until the end of the year if necessary. I think that if I take online courses that I'll be more motivated to blog as well. I'm not as easily distracted as most are on the computer.
     On a final note, I'm excitedly (yet patiently) awaiting more details as to Robert's visit. The dates are all I need to know so I can take days off to spend with him. I'm extremely enthralled because it will be the first time he's ever been in my room in the two and a half years that we've known each other. The idea of him being in this space that's just so.... completely mine, makes me happy and nervous all the same. It just has to be perfect, or well... I want it to be.

     Well goodnight Bloggers and Blog-readers, see you around the bend.~

The first time we said goodbye

     It must have been the second or third day in January of two-thousand and ten; I had known you for two weeks short of two months. My winter vacation in Virginia was at its end and it was time for me to make my way to the airport terminal that would take me to my home city of San Antonio, Texas. I called you, knowing very well that it would be our last conversation ever.
     I was hungry and I rambled on about how I wanted a cinnamon roll after passing by a coffee shop that was nearing closing. Shortly after finding the correct terminal, I returned to the coffee shop and purchased that delicious smelling cinnamon roll. It was cold and terrible and you got such an earful of it. It was silly, but it was with you...
     After I threw out the cinnamon roll, our conversation got a little bit more serious. We talked about how it would be to say "I love you" for the first time in person, even though that was never going to happen. We told each other everything that we thought we were never going to get an opportunity to say. The phone call ended with our first "I love yous" and what was supposed to be our only goodbye.

     Just a couple of days before, you had sent me one of those annoying text message forwards. It had said something along the lines of, "Send this to anyone who has made you smile this past year (2009) I'm happy to have you in my life, etc, etc, etc." I've never been the type to forward anything but you made me forward that one to you. I guess it's because we were there, watching the end approaching, and knowing that there was nothing to be done. 

     We hung up and my heart sank. It didn't make sense for me to miss you so much after one month, two weeks, and "x" amount of minutes; and in all that time I had only spent time with you twice...

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But maybe it's not supposed to make sense.

 Because two and a half years later,

it still doesn't.

And we haven't said goodbye for good.

<3