It was a great day, it really was. It wasn't school that made me explode, it was the events that followed getting off te bus...
Apparently its wrong to get upset when some one is constantly hitting you. Oh wait, I mean "playing". I am soooo sorry that I don't find the humor in getting hit repeatedly with your beanie and hands. MY BAD. But I believe that I had every right to be mad. And you know what? I'm very happy at how easily you can drop me, when I do everything in my power to hold on. I care about you and our friendship, but if you can't even apologize, I think I'm wasting my time. The funny thing about me, though, is that I keep caring long after my logic says not to. So here I am. Waiting. I figured that I'm never enough. Well, we both know that. And like I said, I'm waiting. Hoping I'll be enough. Pretending I'm so goddamn great, so goddamn great.
I cried and went to the garage after blowing up at you, I punched the walls, then I sat alone in the middle of the floor, giving myself time to attain composure. I was okay, for a while.
You called me. You asked me-- no, you told me to go home. You said I have no emotion and that I don't care. That my heart in an envelope is not enough. I'm never enough for anyone and I want to do the impossible: make everyone happy. And you...
You still make me happy. And all the arguing is futile and I'm glad that we always stray from it. It is very unlike us. It's not us at all.
My grandma called me; the things she said made me smile. We spoke of greedy children after Christmas and love. She's the only one that has faith in me. Well, beside ourselves.
On other things, I have a irreplaceable best friend. No one can top this friend of mine. I mean, sometimes she doesn't listen to me and other times she's really mean; but she's still my best friend and I love her to death. If you don't know who I'm talking about, I speak (well type) about Kasey. She's always there for me and I hope she knows that I'm always here (where ever I am) for her. I love her with all my heart and never in my life have I had a better best friend.<3
There are other things swimming around in my head, I've been having a lot of flashbacks. Flashbacks are weird. It's a different expierence than what you would expect. It's mind-blowing actually. They were talking about Christmas presents that they were told not to open until the 25th (of December, obviously). It made me remember when I lived in Japan. Marky Chase handed me a box and said "Do not open this until Christmas day". I placed it under the tree and waited day by day, wondering what it held inside. Some days I'd hold it in my hand and imagine the contents. Other days I'd shake it, hoping to tell what it was by the sound. Christmas morning I woke up early and opened the tiny white box and pulled out a necklace whose charm appeared to be a marijuana plant (lol) with the wrong amout of leaves. It was sort of clover-like in a off green color, on a yellow-gold chain. I remember admiring it for a long time. I hope I can find it some day. But that isn't the only flashback I've been having, just the only one I'm going to share with you. Goodbye.
