I don't mean to cut myself off from everybody but I always end up alone. Even at work when I'm surrounded by people, I somehow manage to be sitting somewhere by myself or so focused on my work that I don't pay attention to my surroundings and the people in them.
I feel like the loser of the swing-shift ihop servers because my co-workers like me, but it feels like they aren't really my friends. I miss jokes and I don't understand some of the things they do. I get left out of a lot of things because I get really focused on my work when I need to...
And even right now, I could be texting any number of people... but I don't. I just continue to be alone and make myself feel like a nobody for whatever reason. It just seems that the more I try to hold on and understand, the more everything and everyone starts slipping away.
When I begin to get close to people, they forget our plans before they make others... and it hurts. I guess that's something that they don't see. I just keep holding on to what little I have and try not to say more than necessary because I don't want to be alone. I'm so sick of being alone.
