Nick---my mother's good friend and should-be-boyfriend---Kasey, my mother, and I all sat at the dinner table as we ate. (It was Nick's idea and I thank him for it.) Nick asked Kasey about when her parents split up and that ended up leading to my own parents' divorce. I was containing my words when Nick encouraged me to tell my mother what I was hiding, so I commenced.
"What bothered me," I started, "was that you made Papa seem like an evil person." She got mad claimed that she had never said anything about my father in a negative manner which, of course, was a lie. I tried to explain it to her but she just continued to get louder and angrier, missing the whole point of me opening up to her.
"Nevermind, I'm done with this conversation mom," I said as I finished eating my food. "Yeah, me too," she said in a furious agreement just before she ran off to smoke a cigarette. I put the dishes away then came up to the room to get online; which is why I'm here now, telling you about my dinner.
Nick has good intentions but he just doesn't understand that I cannot have an honest, open relationship with my mother. (Not that I wouldn't want one...) It just will not work because she won't ever listen to a word I say. If I say something to express how I feel, she'll get overly defensive; almost as if I were attacking her with words. I don't know if this defense mechanism is because she wants to feel like she's a good mother or whatever, but if she would just listen things could be better.
Today, I tried to open up and have an honest conversation with my mother, but that didn't happen. And it won't. Ever.
There's nothing more to us than the fact that we share genes.
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