A rose bud in a garden of weeds

     In my journalism class, I am doing research for an article about irresponsible teen driving. The link that I have included (click this blog title to view it) with this blog post is a long synopsis of a study of teenage drivers. I read the majority of it and it was pretty... informative? I'm not sure if that's the word that I want to use but you should definately take a look at it. Then you can come to your own conclusion about it and maybe help me with the word I want to describe it.(: Anyhow, I came here today to talk to you about how the obvious things surprise me.

    I don't have a high opinion of myself really. I mean, I know that I'm pretty but it's I don't place myself at the top of the beauty scale. I imagine this is what it's like to be Summer Finn from (500) Days of Summer. It's just a natural thing that she doesn't really seem to notice, something simple. It's not as if beauty is radiating from my skin in such a way that I would know and use it to my advantage.
     What is happening is that I am coming to realization that people see more of me than I think about. I suppose that you can say that the way I interpret the way others see me is naive and innocent. Usually, I don't think anyone sees me as more than the quiet girl from Texas who is spending her senior year in a foreign land. The girl who is far shorter and skinnier than most people at her age and position. The girl who is pretty but who no one knows anything about. The girl that I will probably will never have a real conversation with.
     I never think that anyone would think anything but those simple, obvious thoughts about me. I don't realize that people are secretly probing beyond my quiet facade. It's interesting and shocking all the same. For instance, I can never comprehend the idea of anyone seeing me sexually. I know it happens all the time and it's so common but, with the way I present myself, being a sex icon is unimaginable.
     My mind was blown out of proportion by this discovery but it also made me curious. I asked two male friends about their first impressions of me and then what they thought of me now. One of them responded, "When I first met I thought you were fucking adorable. You're really cute. But now that I know you, it's different. You're still really cute and innocent-looking, but that's just it--It's at look." The other said that, "I remember first seeing you in that dress... you looked cute. No, no not cute, beautiful. And now," pauses and does fake gaging noises then laughs and resumes, "Just kidding. But seriously, it's the way you present yourself. You present yourself very well and it makes you just that much more likable." I've always hated that, the fact that I'm easily likable. I never noticed it before but it's obvious that I really am, at least to others. All I do is be me and I guess that goes over well with most people. I feel kind of late with all this, sort of as if I was the last person to find out that Pluto wasn't a planet.

I'm not trying to gain all this attention, I'm just being me.

<3