As the events of today proceeded, I flashed back to when I used to live in Okinawa, Japan. I thought of the day when I jumped off the steps of of the bright yellow school bus, much unlike those of America, and walked down the long set of outdoor stairs that led to my elementary school. As I approached one of the turns of the staircase, I spotted a small frog. I crouched down and told it to wait for me, and that after school I would take it home. When school was over my frog was nowhere to be found and I should have guessed as much, but I was only eight or nine.
I'm not sure why I remember that, but maybe it's important. Maybe it's going to be one of the memories that flashes before my eyes while I'm dying. Maybe it means much more than it appears. I don't know. But right now, I feel like that frog.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
"I have too much love," he said
I responded, "There is no such thing as having too much love, you just need to learn how to tame it."
I'm a nervous wreck on the inside, and I'm hoping that my thoughts will move you. I'm like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth with thoughts but saying nothing. I'm helpless at this. I can feel my mouth forming the words I so desperately want you to hear, but nothing comes out. Have you ever seen The Little Mermaid? Do you remember how Ariel fell madly in love with Eric, and Eric fell madly in love with her singing? Do you remember how Ariel asked Ursula for legs, but in exchange Ursula would take Ariel's voice? So then Eric believed that Ursula was Ariel and she couldn't say a word to prove him wrong... Yeah, well something like that but less dramatic.
Some days, I want to write you so much. I want to pin my heart to your shirt so you don't forget that it's yours too. I want to speak into an envelope addressed to you then seal it with with a kiss; and when you recieve it you'll open it up and hear my voice whisper to you. My words will brush your cheeks like I imagine my hand would as I reach over to touch your ears.
But then I remember how bad I am at speaking; how much trouble I have with simple words that make it seem like English wasn't my first language. Your spoken letter would be full of long silences, "hmmmm..." 's, and scrambled up words. But then, in essense, it would truly be me. You wouldn't recieve a paper of well thought out verses but rather, an unmasked me. You wouldn't just read the generic "ha ha" or "lol" you would hear my inconsistant laughter at my own lewd remarks.
So I reflect on my idea and think that maybe all my poorly spoken English isn't so bad. Maybe you hearing the cracks in my voice, my stumbling over words, and maybe you'll get lucky and hear me sneeze.Though, it's all just a dream... but I'm allowed to dream, aren't I?
I'm a nervous wreck on the inside, and I'm hoping that my thoughts will move you. I'm like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth with thoughts but saying nothing. I'm helpless at this. I can feel my mouth forming the words I so desperately want you to hear, but nothing comes out. Have you ever seen The Little Mermaid? Do you remember how Ariel fell madly in love with Eric, and Eric fell madly in love with her singing? Do you remember how Ariel asked Ursula for legs, but in exchange Ursula would take Ariel's voice? So then Eric believed that Ursula was Ariel and she couldn't say a word to prove him wrong... Yeah, well something like that but less dramatic.
Some days, I want to write you so much. I want to pin my heart to your shirt so you don't forget that it's yours too. I want to speak into an envelope addressed to you then seal it with with a kiss; and when you recieve it you'll open it up and hear my voice whisper to you. My words will brush your cheeks like I imagine my hand would as I reach over to touch your ears.
But then I remember how bad I am at speaking; how much trouble I have with simple words that make it seem like English wasn't my first language. Your spoken letter would be full of long silences, "hmmmm..." 's, and scrambled up words. But then, in essense, it would truly be me. You wouldn't recieve a paper of well thought out verses but rather, an unmasked me. You wouldn't just read the generic "ha ha" or "lol" you would hear my inconsistant laughter at my own lewd remarks.
So I reflect on my idea and think that maybe all my poorly spoken English isn't so bad. Maybe you hearing the cracks in my voice, my stumbling over words, and maybe you'll get lucky and hear me sneeze.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Love is selfish
I just finished watching the movie Salt and I will admit that I began to tear up when she stood there and watched her husband drown. I mean I understand that it was done for the greater good of the American people, but I would have saved my husband. As selfish as it is, I would still save him because he is the person I promised to spend the rest of my life with, and because I love him. I can't get into more depth than that...
I tried looking up the quote I wanted from the movie, but that was a failure. It went something like this, "I remember something Michael told me about spiderwebs. He said that he was the web and that I was the spider that lived on top of it. He said that anytime I needed him, all I had to do was string up a bit of web. He told me to remember how much he loved me everytime I saw a spiderweb..."
It made me sad when she spoke these words, beause all I could see was her husband drowning and her there, waiting patiently. Though it seemed that today was filled with this kind of sadness, everyone else but me was in such a downer mood. I walked to the post office alone and on my way ran into a familiar looking older dude named Chase who had beautiful eyes and a volumous beard. We had small talk and then I went on my way to the post office. My favorite post office person was taking care of my package and two letters, he asked where Kasey was and I said with her boyfriend. He gave a response something like, "Ah. The old ditched for the boyfriend routine." Made me smile.(:
I ended up getting blistered feet and then hung out with Chase. (Not the one I just met, the one over yonder in the side bar of people.) We started off yelling at each other, then talking, then both being in his sweater which was really funny.(x And then the little one (Kayla, I believe) hugged my leg! It was the most adorable thing ever. After I went in, I ate, Kasey came over and was upset about her teeth and then left... Now here I am, thinking about the day and hoping that I chose the right thing. You know, my husband's life over the security of the United States. xD Whoever you are husband, I love the shit outta you.<33
I tried looking up the quote I wanted from the movie, but that was a failure. It went something like this, "I remember something Michael told me about spiderwebs. He said that he was the web and that I was the spider that lived on top of it. He said that anytime I needed him, all I had to do was string up a bit of web. He told me to remember how much he loved me everytime I saw a spiderweb..."
It made me sad when she spoke these words, beause all I could see was her husband drowning and her there, waiting patiently. Though it seemed that today was filled with this kind of sadness, everyone else but me was in such a downer mood. I walked to the post office alone and on my way ran into a familiar looking older dude named Chase who had beautiful eyes and a volumous beard. We had small talk and then I went on my way to the post office. My favorite post office person was taking care of my package and two letters, he asked where Kasey was and I said with her boyfriend. He gave a response something like, "Ah. The old ditched for the boyfriend routine." Made me smile.(:
I ended up getting blistered feet and then hung out with Chase. (Not the one I just met, the one over yonder in the side bar of people.) We started off yelling at each other, then talking, then both being in his sweater which was really funny.(x And then the little one (Kayla, I believe) hugged my leg! It was the most adorable thing ever. After I went in, I ate, Kasey came over and was upset about her teeth and then left... Now here I am, thinking about the day and hoping that I chose the right thing. You know, my husband's life over the security of the United States. xD Whoever you are husband, I love the shit outta you.<33
Monday, January 24, 2011
Here's your letter
I sent one today. A beautiful ballad of color and words, and of future history. Though I wish that's not what it becomes. I think that we make people fit into our lives and I know you have your place. Maybe it's just something inside me that refuses to let you go, but I can't. I don't want to just enjoy our time for a split second in comparison to the rest of our lives. I want to enjoy it for a long time...
Guess what song just started playing? With Me, Sum 41. Mhhhm. It fits with this post. I think that we can only wait for things to happen before I go on about how terrible the ending is going to be. I want you to read it feel the rush of emotions that caused me to write it. I want you to laugh where I laughed and cry where I cried. I want you to muse at the clever possibilites and my attention to detail.<3
I'll get your reaction by the end of the week, if all goes well. Goodnight darling.
Guess what song just started playing? With Me, Sum 41. Mhhhm. It fits with this post. I think that we can only wait for things to happen before I go on about how terrible the ending is going to be. I want you to read it feel the rush of emotions that caused me to write it. I want you to laugh where I laughed and cry where I cried. I want you to muse at the clever possibilites and my attention to detail.<3
I'll get your reaction by the end of the week, if all goes well. Goodnight darling.
Responses to past posts
Almost tomorrow, yet today is never ending:
You can infact use mechanical pencils on the SAT. I did. I used two of my cadoozles, because they look like pencils, and a white peral eraser. I got my scores back, which proves that mechanical pencil can be used. Just in case you were wondering.(: Just make sure it's a #2!
Lost in slumber:
Stuffed animals being upside down whilst dreaming has very little to do with the quality of the dream, ha ha.
Skyscrapers have faults too:
The poem I wrote Kasey-
Dear Kasey Renea Smith,
You are the bees to my knees and caramel to my apple (nerds, lol). You are the tic to my tock and the step to my walk. You are the French to my fries and the Mr. Ferris to my eyes (lol). You are the strawberry creame cheese to my bagel and the blocks to my Legos.(: I love you;<3
You can infact use mechanical pencils on the SAT. I did. I used two of my cadoozles, because they look like pencils, and a white peral eraser. I got my scores back, which proves that mechanical pencil can be used. Just in case you were wondering.(: Just make sure it's a #2!
Lost in slumber:
Stuffed animals being upside down whilst dreaming has very little to do with the quality of the dream, ha ha.
Skyscrapers have faults too:
The poem I wrote Kasey-
Dear Kasey Renea Smith,
You are the bees to my knees and caramel to my apple (nerds, lol). You are the tic to my tock and the step to my walk. You are the French to my fries and the Mr. Ferris to my eyes (lol). You are the strawberry creame cheese to my bagel and the blocks to my Legos.(: I love you;<3
Ending with an old photograph taken by Kasey sometime in the summer.
Maybe late July?
(:
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Creepy Crawlies
Currently, I am compsing a piece of writing that will some day be posted as a blog. (Not this post, but one I started earlier in the week.) Anyhow I have been neglecting this because I have been Facebook-ing. It's quite annoying how addicting it is, but I will find a way to moderate my use of it. Now I am putting a close to this lame introductory paragraph to bring you current events in the world of Passíon! :D
Come mid-March, the state of Virginia gets to judge whether or not I am fit to carry a piece of plastic with my name and other such information on it. My ambitions are to pass the driving portion of the exam the first time, as I have already taken the written part (which is why I have my permit card). Moving right along, this piece of plastic is one part of a whole chain of approvals I need, well actually... I don't need these approvals, expect the licenese; I DO need that, but I would prefer to have all the approvals, which I will explain right now.
A few facts will help you understand my preference of recieving these approvals...
You're probably wondering why the title of this post is "Creepy Crawlies" and I'm thinking ,"HOLD YOUR DAMN HORSES!" Ha ha ha, not really. I just thought it would be funny to say that.(: Anyhow it goes back to a repitition of past events. You know that feeling you get when something has happened before and it seems like it's going to happen again? Yes? Well that is what I'm feeling. The tiniest things feel like the past is coming out of the shadows to reveal itself after all this time. Only a few of you will know what I'm talking about when I say "social networking sites makes terrorists out of females." I'll leave it at that.
Come mid-March, the state of Virginia gets to judge whether or not I am fit to carry a piece of plastic with my name and other such information on it. My ambitions are to pass the driving portion of the exam the first time, as I have already taken the written part (which is why I have my permit card). Moving right along, this piece of plastic is one part of a whole chain of approvals I need, well actually... I don't need these approvals, expect the licenese; I DO need that, but I would prefer to have all the approvals, which I will explain right now.
A few facts will help you understand my preference of recieving these approvals...
- When I graduate from high school, I will still be seventeen. I used to think that was really cool until I realized that my mother would still have authority over me because I am not a leagal adult until September. So the issue here is that when I get to Texas, I am my mother's child not her legal adult, ha ha ha. So if my mother told me I couldn't drive my vehicle around, I would have to listen to her... legally. By the way, my mother is as sexist as an man from the 50's...
- My father is really chill hombre, he comes into my room and shoots my friends and I with the NERF gun I got him for Christmas. But on the same note, he is an adult who plays by respect and evidence. If you show him that you can do this on your own, he'll believe you and allow you to. But until you do, you can't. You know what I mean? So my dad and I are making the voyage down from Virginia to Texas: I drive half, he drives half, and a break inbetween. Well my father is using this travelling for long amouts of time as his form of approval. He will judge my driving and tell my mother whether or not I am a suitable driver to make other voyages for myself. So I would like his approval but I'm also determined to follow through with my word.
You're probably wondering why the title of this post is "Creepy Crawlies" and I'm thinking ,"HOLD YOUR DAMN HORSES!" Ha ha ha, not really. I just thought it would be funny to say that.(: Anyhow it goes back to a repitition of past events. You know that feeling you get when something has happened before and it seems like it's going to happen again? Yes? Well that is what I'm feeling. The tiniest things feel like the past is coming out of the shadows to reveal itself after all this time. Only a few of you will know what I'm talking about when I say "social networking sites makes terrorists out of females." I'll leave it at that.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The blame doesn't hurt anymore
Sunday night the thoughts, the images, and the fantasy that swam around my mind;
I stared into his eyes and he was hardly the hotshot he always tried to be, he was but a child; lost and confused in the vastness of the world. His eyes pleaded for me to help him, to grab his hand before he plummeted into the abyss below. My eyes screamed back to his and called his name. My thoughts raced and I wished that my eyes could be a portal to them. I love you, my eyes pleaded. I may not be physically strong but I can try, with my all, to pull him from the dark depths in which his heart lurks.
Tears began to form at his eyes and then at mine. I furrowed my brow and didn't take an eye off him for a second, I was truly worried. I grasped his hand hard, to signify my presence and for support... There was more in that two-minute stare down than I could ever explain in two hours.
But every moment comes to a close at some point. He had to leave which meant I needed to say goodbye. We embraced in the kind of hug that we have when something goes wrong; the kind that I wish didn't mean that there was inbalance in our worlds. I squeezed him as tight as I could, standing on my tip-toes so my tiny physique could engulf him, protect him.
"I love you," he whispered.
I responed with a slow, coy, "I love you too."
"I thought you said you couldn't love me."
"I said I shouldn't."
"I think you should..."
"Why?"
He left and I waited until I could hear him walking out the front door. Tears welled up in my eyes and slid down silently. I looked over at her and she gave me one of those pity smiles that seemed to say, "Well, I don't know..." I went home and thought to myself I wondered what I was going to do about the situation at present.
I had confronted it as best I could, I went through with "senario five" from my last post. How correct was I? Quite. Did things change? No, I tried and the situation at present was twisted to be my fault. But I guess that it's okay.
I stared into his eyes and he was hardly the hotshot he always tried to be, he was but a child; lost and confused in the vastness of the world. His eyes pleaded for me to help him, to grab his hand before he plummeted into the abyss below. My eyes screamed back to his and called his name. My thoughts raced and I wished that my eyes could be a portal to them. I love you, my eyes pleaded. I may not be physically strong but I can try, with my all, to pull him from the dark depths in which his heart lurks.
Tears began to form at his eyes and then at mine. I furrowed my brow and didn't take an eye off him for a second, I was truly worried. I grasped his hand hard, to signify my presence and for support... There was more in that two-minute stare down than I could ever explain in two hours.
But every moment comes to a close at some point. He had to leave which meant I needed to say goodbye. We embraced in the kind of hug that we have when something goes wrong; the kind that I wish didn't mean that there was inbalance in our worlds. I squeezed him as tight as I could, standing on my tip-toes so my tiny physique could engulf him, protect him.
"I love you," he whispered.
I responed with a slow, coy, "I love you too."
"I thought you said you couldn't love me."
"I said I shouldn't."
"I think you should..."
"Why?"
He left and I waited until I could hear him walking out the front door. Tears welled up in my eyes and slid down silently. I looked over at her and she gave me one of those pity smiles that seemed to say, "Well, I don't know..." I went home and thought to myself I wondered what I was going to do about the situation at present.
I had confronted it as best I could, I went through with "senario five" from my last post. How correct was I? Quite. Did things change? No, I tried and the situation at present was twisted to be my fault. But I guess that it's okay.
It's always my fault.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
When it rains, it pours
I am typing this from my cellular device because I am spending the night at Kasey's and these thoughts must be recorded before I lose them in sleep...
I sit there and watch the happiness flow between them like the energy from an outlet to one's phone charger. I feel the anger build up inside me because you know, but they don't know. As a unit, they don't know. Part two of your unit is either ignorant or stupid. Part two has no idea that you and I know what Part two doesn't know. Part two is engulfed in you and your deception. I've played these scenarios in my head, where I tell Part two everything Part two needs to know.
Scenario 1.) The civil approach
To tears with anger because I've had enough, I pull Part two to the side and say "Grow up. This is not going to be forever. I'm sorry but this is about your counterpart. Don't talk, just listen." This would be the most noble of all the scenarios I am going to proceed to go through, which makes it the most illogical to do. I'm not this brave.
Scenario 2.) The loud approach
I grab Part two by the roots of all evil. I yell and I scream, but all in honesty. Part two doesn't listen. Part two will never listen. Part two hardly knows of my existence or rather, hardly acknowledges my existence. I know that Part two knows I exist, afterall we have exchanged words on more than one occasion; but not much more. But anyhow, Part two chooses not to hear me and you call me a liar. You comfort Part two and scowl at me, for the time being. You tell me that you'll drop me but still nothing changes. Part two doesn't believe me and I'm not sure whether the rest of them believe me or not. I wonder if their opinions of me change after my outburst at Part two and your response... This would be the boldest way to ensure things are put in thier place; but even so, I don't think much would change except that Part two would now carry a tiny bit of doubt.
Scenario 3.) The violent approach
I get in Part two's face and preach the truth. "WHAT THE HELL IS HEAVEN?" I get called a bitch and many other names that you all may imagine. I accept it but it's not enough for Part two. My only option is defense. I will not lay a finger on Part two, but you cannot get away with screwing with Passíon. This would be the most wreckless scenarios and one of the least likely to happen.
Scenario 4.) The secret scenario
I would befriend Part two without your knowledge because I know you would frown upon it. I write notes to Part two, unsigned and in a different calligraphy. I give the notes to a person to give to a person to give to Part two. Part two is ordered to keep them from you, else Part two remain ignorant. Maybe Part two doesn't respond, scenario ends there. Maybe Part two responds for the hell of it or just because. Maybe Part two takes it seriously, and learns how to be aware of what is going on within and round the comfortable unit in which Part two resides. This scenario is highly unlikely due to the sheer fact that I don't know people who are good with Part two. And Part two would probably inform you of the first note, therefore ending all possibilities of success on my part.
Scenario 5.) The keep your mouth shut and figure this out on your own scenario
I continue to leave Part two out in the rain. Though instead of keeping you nice and dry under my umbrella, that you do not appreciate, I tell you to get an umbrella for your unit because I'm tired of you using mine. I tell you that sometimes I have to be a bitch to fix things for everyone, and apparently my umbrella wasn't enough. I tell you that you have a unit to take care of and that as much as you may say I mean to you, I will never be your unit. Yes I know I sound like an asshole putting you to out in the pouring rain, but your unit has been there all along. And Part two didn't even know it was raining... I'm going inside my house and putting my umbrella away. I will look at you from my window as your unit huddles together for warmth, and you scowl. This scenario is the most likely to happen. Maybe it wouldn't happen like this, but I would really like it to. I'm tired of you convincing me that you need me because it's not true. You just want my umbrella. My fucking umbrella.
It's strange how well it fits.
I sit there and watch the happiness flow between them like the energy from an outlet to one's phone charger. I feel the anger build up inside me because you know, but they don't know. As a unit, they don't know. Part two of your unit is either ignorant or stupid. Part two has no idea that you and I know what Part two doesn't know. Part two is engulfed in you and your deception. I've played these scenarios in my head, where I tell Part two everything Part two needs to know.
Scenario 1.) The civil approach
To tears with anger because I've had enough, I pull Part two to the side and say "Grow up. This is not going to be forever. I'm sorry but this is about your counterpart. Don't talk, just listen." This would be the most noble of all the scenarios I am going to proceed to go through, which makes it the most illogical to do. I'm not this brave.
Scenario 2.) The loud approach
I grab Part two by the roots of all evil. I yell and I scream, but all in honesty. Part two doesn't listen. Part two will never listen. Part two hardly knows of my existence or rather, hardly acknowledges my existence. I know that Part two knows I exist, afterall we have exchanged words on more than one occasion; but not much more. But anyhow, Part two chooses not to hear me and you call me a liar. You comfort Part two and scowl at me, for the time being. You tell me that you'll drop me but still nothing changes. Part two doesn't believe me and I'm not sure whether the rest of them believe me or not. I wonder if their opinions of me change after my outburst at Part two and your response... This would be the boldest way to ensure things are put in thier place; but even so, I don't think much would change except that Part two would now carry a tiny bit of doubt.
Scenario 3.) The violent approach
I get in Part two's face and preach the truth. "WHAT THE HELL IS HEAVEN?" I get called a bitch and many other names that you all may imagine. I accept it but it's not enough for Part two. My only option is defense. I will not lay a finger on Part two, but you cannot get away with screwing with Passíon. This would be the most wreckless scenarios and one of the least likely to happen.
Scenario 4.) The secret scenario
I would befriend Part two without your knowledge because I know you would frown upon it. I write notes to Part two, unsigned and in a different calligraphy. I give the notes to a person to give to a person to give to Part two. Part two is ordered to keep them from you, else Part two remain ignorant. Maybe Part two doesn't respond, scenario ends there. Maybe Part two responds for the hell of it or just because. Maybe Part two takes it seriously, and learns how to be aware of what is going on within and round the comfortable unit in which Part two resides. This scenario is highly unlikely due to the sheer fact that I don't know people who are good with Part two. And Part two would probably inform you of the first note, therefore ending all possibilities of success on my part.
Scenario 5.) The keep your mouth shut and figure this out on your own scenario
I continue to leave Part two out in the rain. Though instead of keeping you nice and dry under my umbrella, that you do not appreciate, I tell you to get an umbrella for your unit because I'm tired of you using mine. I tell you that sometimes I have to be a bitch to fix things for everyone, and apparently my umbrella wasn't enough. I tell you that you have a unit to take care of and that as much as you may say I mean to you, I will never be your unit. Yes I know I sound like an asshole putting you to out in the pouring rain, but your unit has been there all along. And Part two didn't even know it was raining... I'm going inside my house and putting my umbrella away. I will look at you from my window as your unit huddles together for warmth, and you scowl. This scenario is the most likely to happen. Maybe it wouldn't happen like this, but I would really like it to. I'm tired of you convincing me that you need me because it's not true. You just want my umbrella. My fucking umbrella.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Feeling sexy is nice, being loved is better
Flattering? Yes. It's quite flattering to have various people adore your looks and even hint (or be quite blunt) about thier desire to have sexual relations with you. A self-esteem and self-confidence booster, I suppose. Sure it's nice once in a while, but it's not enough to be wanted, to be desired. There would be no point to a real romance if everything was based on the superfical. "I want to have sex with you" is completely meaningless if there is nothing behind it. And that brings us today's topic, love.
I bet you saw that one coming right? I mean the title of this post pretty much spells it out for you, actually it does. Pause yourself, this is me digressing.
I mean it's not hard to come to the conclusion that things done without love are merely that. Things. In government class I overheard these two guys talking about girls and such. I'm going to go through what I remember of that conversation, as I remember it. By the way, I am using fake names.
I don't really remember where I was going with this post so maybe I'll add to it in another post. Oh and I made up for all my lost sleep with 3430945 hours yesterday!(:
Sorry for straying off topic. I'll do a better post next time.
I bet you saw that one coming right? I mean the title of this post pretty much spells it out for you, actually it does. Pause yourself, this is me digressing.
I mean it's not hard to come to the conclusion that things done without love are merely that. Things. In government class I overheard these two guys talking about girls and such. I'm going to go through what I remember of that conversation, as I remember it. By the way, I am using fake names.
Guy 1: Man did I tell you? Me, so-and-so, and his brother picked up these girls at a party and they went to the hotel with us!!!I stopped listening after that or maybe I don't remember, I couldn't really tell you with the lack of sleep I've been racking up. *Yay* But you see, they were all about the action and not the feeling; those girls kinda seemed the same. There was no love in this conversation. It was just pussy and oppurtunity.
Guy 2: No way? Wait, I thought you went to that party at whatshisname's house.
Guy 1: Yeah man, that's how it started. Me, so-and-so, and his brother were all chillin' at whatshisname's party. That's where we met those girls and then the party got shut down so we had to bounce! Those chicks just came with us cuz we were gonna go to another party.
Guy 2: For real? Damn! That's crazy, did y'all even know them?
Guy 1: Well so-and-so and I didn't know them.
Guy 2: And they still got in your ride?
Guy 1: Yeah and then we took off to this other party that was supposed to be off the chain, but there was this huge dude at the door. He was all, "Bitches only." So I told him fuck that cuz I'm not leaving these girls here if we can't party either. So we decided to get a hotel room.
Guy 2: How much was it?
Guy 1: Like sixty bucks.
Guy 2: You paid it all?
Guy 1: Nah, it was about me and ten other people. We all chipped in. Well anyway man, dude! Sandra was all over me man. I was just tired and wanted to get some sleep cuz I had some place to be in the morning. So I was laying there and she come in the room and we started talking and getting close and all that.
Guy 2: Did you do anything man?
Guy 1: Nahhh. Randell came in and just came right inbetween us. He was all feeling up on her and she didn't do anything at first so I was like "Dammmnnnn..."
Guy 2: Was they fighting before? I know that Sandra don't play like that.
Guy 1: Yeah they was. But man, he was all touching on her so I just didn't want to mess with that shit. I went to the other bed and tried to crash.
Guy 2: Why didn't you do anything? Not to be an ass or anything, but you know that's never going to happen again. Ever.
Guy 1: Yeah man, I know. I mean I should have slept with Sandra but Randell man. I don't wanna be with a girl like that.
Guy 2: No one said you had to be with her.
Guy 1: Ha ha ha true. Nah, man but I regret it. Oh and did I tell you about Kayleen?
Guy 2: Nah, why? What's up with her?
Guy 1: She is all public about her sexual shit man. She was all going up to so-and-so and telling him that she just learned to unbutton and unzip pants with her mouth.
Guy 2: For real? That's crazy!
Guy 1: Yeah, after like thirty minutes she got it done and had his pants nearly off.
Guy 2: Man she already down there, I would've told her to finish the job, ha ha ha.
Guy 1: He did say that! She was all "Ew, that's gross." And just left him there in his drawers...
I don't really remember where I was going with this post so maybe I'll add to it in another post. Oh and I made up for all my lost sleep with 3430945 hours yesterday!(:
Sorry for straying off topic. I'll do a better post next time.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Spoons
Right now I am neglecting homework so I can type this while it is fresh in my mind. It's a secret that I've kept hidden for well over a year.
In the end are my attempts trival and quixotic? Does anything I do matter? Hmmmm. It made me think of the spoons. I remember when I first asked you about them. You told me yes, that you did give them to her. But that was it. At the time you did not explain thier signifigance. I thought nothing of it and wondered why she rubbed it in my face.
Months passed before you told me. You told me who gave them to you and what thier purpose was, and then you told me again that you had given them to her. I didn't cry but I wanted to. You told me about the time that she handed you one of the spoons and how angry you had become with that action of hers. I always imagine her bithday...
Her dad at the head of the table, her older sister and little brother to the left of him, her mom at the table's other end, then her and you to the left of her mother. She had to be sitting next to her mom, I'm sure. You all had dinner and that was fine and dandy. You two go to her room and while she is turned the other way, you pull the little bag containing the spoons out. Her face lights up and then I hear her words over Myspace, "He wants to marry me! Ask him about the spoons!"
The other occurance I can't ever seem to imagine except one part, the part where she forces the spoon into your hand. But I digress, this is not what I came here to say.
I used go to sleep wishing that I would dream of the one who gave you the spoons. I would wish that that person would come to me in my sleep and whisper, "Tell him to get them back. Tell him I want him to get them back." Because deep in my heart, I didn't want her to have those spoons; especially since I knew thier meaning. And every night I would go through this process of thinking, "Tonight I'll be told and if not, I say nothing because it is not my place to interfere. If the person who gave him the spoons wants him to get them back, they will let it be known."
I was never told. I'm not sure if you were but I wasn't. To this day, I hope that I am told to tell you to get the spoons back. But like I said, it is not my place to say anything because I'm nobody. Especially now.
In the end are my attempts trival and quixotic? Does anything I do matter? Hmmmm. It made me think of the spoons. I remember when I first asked you about them. You told me yes, that you did give them to her. But that was it. At the time you did not explain thier signifigance. I thought nothing of it and wondered why she rubbed it in my face.
Months passed before you told me. You told me who gave them to you and what thier purpose was, and then you told me again that you had given them to her. I didn't cry but I wanted to. You told me about the time that she handed you one of the spoons and how angry you had become with that action of hers. I always imagine her bithday...
Her dad at the head of the table, her older sister and little brother to the left of him, her mom at the table's other end, then her and you to the left of her mother. She had to be sitting next to her mom, I'm sure. You all had dinner and that was fine and dandy. You two go to her room and while she is turned the other way, you pull the little bag containing the spoons out. Her face lights up and then I hear her words over Myspace, "He wants to marry me! Ask him about the spoons!"
The other occurance I can't ever seem to imagine except one part, the part where she forces the spoon into your hand. But I digress, this is not what I came here to say.
I used go to sleep wishing that I would dream of the one who gave you the spoons. I would wish that that person would come to me in my sleep and whisper, "Tell him to get them back. Tell him I want him to get them back." Because deep in my heart, I didn't want her to have those spoons; especially since I knew thier meaning. And every night I would go through this process of thinking, "Tonight I'll be told and if not, I say nothing because it is not my place to interfere. If the person who gave him the spoons wants him to get them back, they will let it be known."
I was never told. I'm not sure if you were but I wasn't. To this day, I hope that I am told to tell you to get the spoons back. But like I said, it is not my place to say anything because I'm nobody. Especially now.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Substance and human needs
No one tells you to start, you just do. You continue to do until you are told to stop, or you get caught, or you just can't handle it anymore that you make yourself stop. Even then, you might not stop. But what I am talking about is the simple human need to be given closure... Well not even that... How do I phrase this? I'm not really sure but I'll try.
Of all the complexities in the universe, the most trival seem to do that most impact. I hate how looking at certain thing brings a silent tear to my eye or ignites a fury of anger. I don't bottle it up and yet I still do, if you understand what I mean. There are just somethings that I feel better blogging about than saying. I'm not a very good speaker at all, but I'm determined.
I hope and I wish that I will be able to get everything I want out of life but I know that it won't happen. I know that every little thing I want is contradicting another desire and another and another... I trudge through this swamp called life and I feel cursed. I have everything and nothing all at once and it's killing me. I don't want to have everything, I want to push it all away and be alone.
I don't know why I am cursed with such a likable personality. I don't want all these people because every single one of the affects me. Every single person is important and it's too much to handle. I guess I make these people important but it's not something that can be easily stopped. It festers and it grows until it becomes a love for all these people, these people who I want to make happy. But I can't. I can't make everyone happy because thier wants and desires clash with each other's and my own.
What people don't see is that I'm not the happy person I pretend and want to be, I am not. I am not suffering from heart-break or death. I'm suffering with myself. I have to be around me all the time and sometimes, I just can't stand me. I will walk into a situation with a goal in mind and walk out with nothing accomplished. I shy from my decisions a lot because I am so easily persuaded.
I have such blind faith in humanity that it tears at my heartstrings. I want for people to be good, I want for people to do right, and I believe that they can. I trust people too much, I just do. I guess that's one of my flaws. I wish I had the audacity to just stop. To actually do what I tell myself I will. To stand up not only for myself and my beliefs, but for others' as well.
Of all the complexities in the universe, the most trival seem to do that most impact. I hate how looking at certain thing brings a silent tear to my eye or ignites a fury of anger. I don't bottle it up and yet I still do, if you understand what I mean. There are just somethings that I feel better blogging about than saying. I'm not a very good speaker at all, but I'm determined.
I hope and I wish that I will be able to get everything I want out of life but I know that it won't happen. I know that every little thing I want is contradicting another desire and another and another... I trudge through this swamp called life and I feel cursed. I have everything and nothing all at once and it's killing me. I don't want to have everything, I want to push it all away and be alone.
I don't know why I am cursed with such a likable personality. I don't want all these people because every single one of the affects me. Every single person is important and it's too much to handle. I guess I make these people important but it's not something that can be easily stopped. It festers and it grows until it becomes a love for all these people, these people who I want to make happy. But I can't. I can't make everyone happy because thier wants and desires clash with each other's and my own.
What people don't see is that I'm not the happy person I pretend and want to be, I am not. I am not suffering from heart-break or death. I'm suffering with myself. I have to be around me all the time and sometimes, I just can't stand me. I will walk into a situation with a goal in mind and walk out with nothing accomplished. I shy from my decisions a lot because I am so easily persuaded.
I have such blind faith in humanity that it tears at my heartstrings. I want for people to be good, I want for people to do right, and I believe that they can. I trust people too much, I just do. I guess that's one of my flaws. I wish I had the audacity to just stop. To actually do what I tell myself I will. To stand up not only for myself and my beliefs, but for others' as well.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
It's never really a new year
Hello fellow bloggers! Did you miss me? Ha I have! Well, I have much more than just a few cute pictures to share with you. So sit down and listen. I would also like to apologize in advance if my post is overly long, but it does cover a span of almost two weeks.
December 22nd I began my long journey to Texas via airplane, my plan was to see my good friend Mister Walsh. Sadly we didn't get to meet up because he was flying out the next morning. Instead of seeing him I stayed with my mama and Mankie. The f
irst thing my mom made me do was take out my size 0 gauges. It really upset me but she's my mom and I love her. Even if she is insane. I was left at Mankie and Grampy's house for a wee bit. Sunni and I took a photo. It's quite amazing at how big yet small he is, you know what I mean? I found out some ground breaking news about how there will soon be a new addition to my family. I wasn't sure how I felt about it but it really tore me up. No one expected this, especially not me. The additon will arrive in February or March, I cannot wait to meet him or her this summer. As long as the mommy is happy, I am very happy for her.<3 
I got to see my son, who will be turning eight or nine in March. Ha ha time passes really fast nowadays! 
I was disappointed to find out that my mom was back to dating this idiot named George. Quick flashback, George was in my life two years ago but that ended when he was put in jail for a whole lot of miscellaneous crimes that I honestly don't care to know. I was informed by my mother that he just recently got out of prision. December 6th to be exact. I was really mad that my mom wouldn't tell me something like that especially when I have zero respect and zero tolerance for him. Though, if I had known George was there, I probably would have tried my very best to avoid staying with her as long as he was present. Anyhow, we'll get back to him pretty soon. I'll continue on as best as I can remember.
On the 24th it was decided that we make our way to Waco, Texas where my Mankie, Grampy, and G.J. would visit mis tios y primos. It was a really long drive but it was worth it. I hadn't seen that part of my family in quite a while and I really missed them. Things were the same and different. Nerd and my eldest cousin were both working and couldn't make it for the visit. They were given lots of love, some cookies, and a little bit of Christmas prsesents. If it weren't for my grandparent's being the giving people they are, they would have no Christmas. We ate at IHOP and as for the photo of the disel gas price, I wanted to prove that the number pi was used outside of school, ha ha. Get it? By the way, that was the only picture I took whilst in Waco. The next thing that happened was the long voyage back to San Antonio and then visiting my brother Michael at his living quarters. He was throwing a Christmas party that I didn't stay long enough to see progress. I gave Michael his gifts and a really big hug and we conversed a bit before I got picked up by Joey. I promised Joey last year that I would spend Christmas with him; and since his family celebrates on Christmas eve, it worked out perfectly. Damn it was insane! I walked into Joey's grandma's house and there were people hugging me left and right. They were wondering how I was and told me how much they missed me. Just everything. It was the way I wanted my mom to be... I digress. I gave Joey, Jazzpants, Julio, Jenny, Drea, Dad Garcia, and Mom Garcia thier Christmas presents from me. I had a really good time, especially when Dad Garcia stumbled all over us, ha ha ha.
I guess my mom bought a rock hard tempurpedic because I woke up feeling terrible lol and the only part that made a dent in the material was my butt, lol. We had barbacoa (you know cow's head meat) for breakfast and then the kiddos left. I went to go hang out with &-D and Mr. Opportunity and our vehicle broke down! (I just found out that &-D's sister was the cause of our car troubles.) Grampy called to tell me something but ended up trying to assist &-D with the vehicular issues. He called to tell me that the college I want to go to isn't good enough... -_- We walked to Target and back then Mr. Oppurtunity and I slow danced on the side of the road, lol. We also counted thenumber of people who looked straight at us and did nothing about it. The original plan was to get gyros from Mini & Dimi's (A Greek resturant) but obviously that failed. Good thing there was a Chili's nearby. We started eating there then &-D's dad came to tow the vehicle home. We agreed that we would hang out again later, which we did, at arounf 11 pm. We got Sonic and then drove around lol. We ended up at my house until almost two in the morning. They bestowed the greatest Christmas presents to me; a photograph of them and Mexican candies! :D I hoped they would see me off the next morning and they hoped the same, until then I would sleep.
I woke up at a little passed four, got ready, and double checked if I missed anything. I was finally leaving, what a pain and a relief. I was ready much earlier than I needed to be but it was all good, Angie and Rico Suave would be awaitng me at the airport! Which I was very, very excited for because it has never happend for me before. &-D and Mr.Opportunity informed me that they could not make it which was okay because they had just seen me a few hours ago, lol. Well my mom woke up late and was rushing like usual. Lame. The last thing I saw before I left my mother's house was my baby Pawlie waiting by my suitcase. You can call me a baby... because I almost cried. I miss him soooo much! Well we made it to the airport and found Angie and Rico Suave at the Starbucks there. I ran over and hugged them and we talked as much as we could before it was time to say our goodbyes. It was so much fun and I know that I have the best friends in the world because I'm sure that not everyone would wake up before 6:00 am just to have thirty minutes together before I leave. It was really funny when Angie and I did the hand thing through the security glass and such. Rico Suave owes me that photo! It was a great way to start the day.
December 22nd I began my long journey to Texas via airplane, my plan was to see my good friend Mister Walsh. Sadly we didn't get to meet up because he was flying out the next morning. Instead of seeing him I stayed with my mama and Mankie. The f
irst thing my mom made me do was take out my size 0 gauges. It really upset me but she's my mom and I love her. Even if she is insane. I was left at Mankie and Grampy's house for a wee bit. Sunni and I took a photo. It's quite amazing at how big yet small he is, you know what I mean? I found out some ground breaking news about how there will soon be a new addition to my family. I wasn't sure how I felt about it but it really tore me up. No one expected this, especially not me. The additon will arrive in February or March, I cannot wait to meet him or her this summer. As long as the mommy is happy, I am very happy for her.<3 
I got to see my son, who will be turning eight or nine in March. Ha ha time passes really fast nowadays! 
I was disappointed to find out that my mom was back to dating this idiot named George. Quick flashback, George was in my life two years ago but that ended when he was put in jail for a whole lot of miscellaneous crimes that I honestly don't care to know. I was informed by my mother that he just recently got out of prision. December 6th to be exact. I was really mad that my mom wouldn't tell me something like that especially when I have zero respect and zero tolerance for him. Though, if I had known George was there, I probably would have tried my very best to avoid staying with her as long as he was present. Anyhow, we'll get back to him pretty soon. I'll continue on as best as I can remember. The next morning I cooked migas for George's little neices for breakfast, they were pretty good! :D Later, my Biggo Brudder and I went to see Tron: Legacy. I took no photographs of us because it seemed inappropiate. Well Tron was quite the movie, not because it was great or the production value or whatever; it was fantastic because we made it fantastic! There was a few scenes that were particularly funny due to the comical nature of my Biggo Brudder and myself. One scene the father is asking his son, Sammy, a bunch of questions. Then the dad says, "Well son, I bet you have alott of questions for me..." Then Sammy says, "Only one..." (Long dramatic pause) Biggo Brudder says (for Sammy) "Where's the bathroom?" Ha ha ha, classic. Then there was this other part where the evil version of Sammy's dad got that one girl who was the last of her kind and said, "I have something special for you..." And I said, "My penis!" Fantastic, eh? It was great although people were looking at us funny. We're not the kind who care. We caught up on a bajillion things and just had a great time. I miss my Biggo Brudder alot!<3 The night ended at the giant orange squiggly thing downtown and getting picked up my my mother and that rat of a man.
On the 24th it was decided that we make our way to Waco, Texas where my Mankie, Grampy, and G.J. would visit mis tios y primos. It was a really long drive but it was worth it. I hadn't seen that part of my family in quite a while and I really missed them. Things were the same and different. Nerd and my eldest cousin were both working and couldn't make it for the visit. They were given lots of love, some cookies, and a little bit of Christmas prsesents. If it weren't for my grandparent's being the giving people they are, they would have no Christmas. We ate at IHOP and as for the photo of the disel gas price, I wanted to prove that the number pi was used outside of school, ha ha. Get it? By the way, that was the only picture I took whilst in Waco. The next thing that happened was the long voyage back to San Antonio and then visiting my brother Michael at his living quarters. He was throwing a Christmas party that I didn't stay long enough to see progress. I gave Michael his gifts and a really big hug and we conversed a bit before I got picked up by Joey. I promised Joey last year that I would spend Christmas with him; and since his family celebrates on Christmas eve, it worked out perfectly. Damn it was insane! I walked into Joey's grandma's house and there were people hugging me left and right. They were wondering how I was and told me how much they missed me. Just everything. It was the way I wanted my mom to be... I digress. I gave Joey, Jazzpants, Julio, Jenny, Drea, Dad Garcia, and Mom Garcia thier Christmas presents from me. I had a really good time, especially when Dad Garcia stumbled all over us, ha ha ha. On Christmas day my mom told Joey to spend Christmas with us because she already had people over at the house and didn't really want to leave them there. (Afterall, they were George's family.) So Joey took my brother and I too my mom's where we just hung out and played pool or video games. Nothing exciting except that we were celebrating Thanksgiving on account of George being in prision of that time. I ate brisket and mashed potatoes because everything else looked pretty gross. George made a big deal about me having my feet on Joey's legs and that caused a problem with George... (This was the same night that he called me his setepdaughter, which I will never be.) Eventually Joey took Michael home and my night ended shortly afterward.
On the 26th, Cupcake and I went ice skating and talked about a lot! We ran into Omar and caught up on everything that we've missed from each other. We got lost like usual but didn't end up in Mico, Texas this time! Ha ha ha. We ate at Bill Miler's, one of the best Texan food establishments;<3 Then after a while we when to my mom's house and played Blokus, WiiPlay, and WiiSports. Good shtuf, I miss my Cupcake too! We didn't take any photos but it's okay. I think the memories are more important, like Cupcake falling on the ice! Heehee.
A Ninja Turtle and I went to go see Gulliver's Travels which had such an awkward ending... It was nothing but Apple advertising which was upsetting to me. There is one part when Gulliver drops his iPhone 3G and it turns into an iPhone 4 while it's on the ground, yet whn he pick it up it's back to being a 3G. Complete bull right? I had a lot of fun with my Ninja Turtle and his fancy car with "mood lights". We ate a Jack in the Box and my food was kinda terrible. There was this perfect moment when he shook his taco at me and a bit of it got on me ha ha ha. I said, "Why did you do that?" And Ninja Turtle said, "I just wanted to shake my taco." So I was all, "That's what she said, oooohhhh!" Ha ha, brilliant.
Ninja Turtle dropped me off at Angie's house and I spent the night for the first time ever! It was super fun we watched My Sister's Keeper and I painted on her wall! It says "I'm Dreaming about Passíon(: 12.27.2010" And all around it "iloveyou:Angie;<3" is written. It took forever but it was really fun to do. It was funnt when I would move around and Angie would get scared, "I said no sudden movements!" Ha ha, it was great. I wish I would have had more time with Angie but I fell asleep watching the Spongebob movie, lol. We didn't take photos except the ones of me painting and the latter ones which will be seen when they are due. The next morning we ate breakfast together before Rico Suave picked me up.
Ninja Turtle dropped me off at Angie's house and I spent the night for the first time ever! It was super fun we watched My Sister's Keeper and I painted on her wall! It says "I'm Dreaming about Passíon(: 12.27.2010" And all around it "iloveyou:Angie;<3" is written. It took forever but it was really fun to do. It was funnt when I would move around and Angie would get scared, "I said no sudden movements!" Ha ha, it was great. I wish I would have had more time with Angie but I fell asleep watching the Spongebob movie, lol. We didn't take photos except the ones of me painting and the latter ones which will be seen when they are due. The next morning we ate breakfast together before Rico Suave picked me up. We didn't know what to do so we just decided to see Little Fockers which was most terrible by the way. We saw about an hour into it when Rico Suave turned to me and asked, "Are you even enjoying this movie?" I turned to him and said, "Honestly, I don't know what the hell is going on." We laughed and walked out of the theatre then moved on to Ingram Park Mall. I forgot to mention that prior to my visit, Rico Suave asked me to purchase some system for his vehicle. I though that it was completely ridiculous so I went to Wal-Mart and ourchased two Hot Wheels.(: Anyhow, whilst at Ingram Rico suave and I walked in and out of some stores but eventually her purchased two pairs of 00 gauges for me! After that we went to a semi-fancy sushi place whose name I have forgotten, lol. He had some sort of tuna roll and I had rice curry. Oh my gosh, I haven't had Japanese curry in such a long time. (Besides when my mom would make it but you know I mean, her's is still very good!) Moving on, we spent a good while on the highest point of the parking garage talking and all that business until I requested that we go get ice cream! Well I don't know what it is about me but I guess I have a enspelling effect on the male gender, ha ha ha. Just kidding. But Rico Suave went the wrong time more than once while we were driving around and it took quite a whole just to get to a Dairy Queen. We had double dipped medium cones, yummy.(: Our next stop was Target and he parked all far so I jumped in the front of his mother's Jeep and parked us closer. Oh yeah, feel the wrath of Passíon! I don't remember everything I bought but I know that I bought some deoderant for Rico, not because he smelled or anything but because it's what he wanted lol. After that we were going somewhere and eventually I directed him to the Garcia household where my night began. Joey and I met James at Peter Piper Pizza to watch the Spurs whoop the Lakers. Originally, we were supposed to go to Buffalo Wild Wings... but it was like an hour wait! After the Spurs won we made our way to Rocky's Taco house where I had one bean and cheese and a carne guisada con queso, mmmmmm. I miss real tacos. We returned to the Garcia residence where the night came to a close.
Now we're on December 29th! Mom Garcia made bacon and eggs for breakfast. I helped the kiddos with thier iPads, iTunes, and the like. I was supposed to see Teddy Bear but he got sick.): It was fun spending the day with the kids though, I love them a lot. They just need to watch thier language a bit. We spent a majority of the day at McDonald's mooching the free Wi-Fi so the kiddos could put apps on thier iPads lol. I ended up going back to my mother's house and staying there for the night. Oh, but not before driving the truck!
The first thing we did was go to a furniture store and watch my mama make a scene so she could pay thirty dollars less or something like that. (w00t Mom!) Whislt there, I made be George be useful and take this photo. (I plan to photoshop it and make it cool later, which will be in another post.) I didn't really know what to do after that because we were going to go to George's brother's house and I didn't want to. I called up Peter Butter and hung out in front of his house for a good while. Next, I went to eat at The Sun: Chinese Mongolian Resturant with my mom and George. My Kkarnage was supposed to come with us but her mother was holding her hostage.): Anyhow after George being a dickholeto my mama at dd's Discounts, they dropped me off at the Bandera Bowl so I could bowl with last year's varsity mariachi group! (I found the I heart Obama belt at dd's Discounts!) I was really excited until I realized that only one person I really talked to was there... It really upset me that Luz was working and that Jaime wasn't there. So I was rather quiet but it was funny because I seemed to be the best at bowling. :D Well anyhow, I left early because it took forever for us to get a lane... The night ended with a lot of hugs.<3
New Year's Eve was fun partly. I went to go meet a group of friends at South Park Mall and from there they were taking me to a suprise place! I was pretty upset when my mom didn't want to drop me off at the mall because she felt "uncomfortable". -_-" I'm about to graduate high school and my mom is scared to leave me at a mall. GREAT. Anyhow, I convinced her and I ended up being at the mall alone for about an hour, lol. I ended up spending money and taking a photograph of that stool over to the right. Well when they finally got there, I sat shotgun because Ally was afriad of Maria's driving. No one really knew how to get where we were going so we drve around like idiots, which is always fun as ong as you don't end up in Mico, Texas.(: So we stopped at a Valero because I was thirsty and also so the other five of them could discuss the top secret plan. It was really funny because there was this guy, and what I assume to be his son, selling Corgi puppies for twenty-five dollars. 
Our whole group fell in love with the puppies lol, pffft WOMEN! I went inside and purchased a nasty, terrible, disgusting cupcake and a monster because I knew I would need the energy to keep up with everyone lol. Then we ended up in the middle of nowhere which is exactly where we were supposed to be. 
Well actually we were supposed to be a the donkey lady bridge which took us forever to get to and it was kinda lame lol. I think the best part of the whole thing was that we were all together as a group again and that was what mattered. It was quite a day of being scared and scaring the others ha ha. So even if nothing happened at the donkey lady bridge, we had a good time and made the best of it!<3 We ended up going downtown and driving around for about 3615723 hours well until eleven, lol. It was really crazy seeing $50 parking! Eventually my mom picked me up at Exxon and forced me to go to George's brother's to celebrate New Year's Eve. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this would not go down well. I guess things were going as a party normally progresses and then 3, 2, 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR! Fireworks popping. Yaaaayyy, well not really. I hate fireworks.): Well I was happy for the new year though because we had to pick my brother up from work at 12:30. "Finally," I tohught to myself, "I can go home and not be surrounded by these idiots!" But I was wrong. When we got to the Valero that my brother works at, he had to stay much later. My mom wanted to see her friend Ana, which I was completely not opposed to. Everything was fine until George was being a dick about Ana's son beating him in pool. She asked us to leave therefore we went to our old neighbor's house. I hate holidays and such because I feel like I'm a bracelet on my mother's wrist: I'm just an accessory that's always with her. She made me go "play with the kids" as in talking to a twelve, eight, and four year old. HOW FUN. -_-" Eventually we left and everything was fne. I was finally going to get some sleep, afterall, it was two in the morning. So we went again to pick up Nerd and this time we were successful yet George convinced my mom to go back to those people's house for yet another hour. I was really pissed and Nerd and I discussed this a lot. I could not help but cry./: We hung out with the little girls again and played with thier bunnies lol. So random. George stormed out of the house and my followed so Nerd and I got up and left. They were yelling at each other and being really stupid about a shirt. George was almost hitting my brother which really made me mad. No one is allowed to fuck with my mom like that.):< Moving on, my mom decided to drop George off beased on his drunkenness. My mom was driving on the highway, trying to ignore George and making our way to George's brother's. Completely fine by me, this fucker needed to go. As we approached the exit required to drop George off, he pushed the steering wheel the opposite way that we were headed and we almost hit the divider between the highway and the exit. MY heart was pounding and everyone yelled at George. Mom: "What the fuck do you think you're doing asshole?!?!" (She also smacked his head.) Nerd: "George quit your shit!" Me (crying): "You're gonna fucking kill us!"
I was so scared that I would just die between the exit and the highway... and nobody would know. It would take forever for any of my friends to find out about my death. It was tragic. Upon approaching the next exit, the idiot pulled the same manuver but almost hit another vehicle. Repeats of the first aftermath, then we finally did get off the third exit. We finally arrived at George's brother's at around four (am). He took the key out of the ignition and ran off. He tried to throw a brick at my mom and failed due to drunkenness. He also has my mother's phone and her camera in his possesion which did litelt to improve the situation. Detail, details, details. We ended up going home with out him and arriving at around five in the morning. I tried to sleep but I couldn't until seven in the morning on New Year's day.
Now we're on December 29th! Mom Garcia made bacon and eggs for breakfast. I helped the kiddos with thier iPads, iTunes, and the like. I was supposed to see Teddy Bear but he got sick.): It was fun spending the day with the kids though, I love them a lot. They just need to watch thier language a bit. We spent a majority of the day at McDonald's mooching the free Wi-Fi so the kiddos could put apps on thier iPads lol. I ended up going back to my mother's house and staying there for the night. Oh, but not before driving the truck!
The first thing we did was go to a furniture store and watch my mama make a scene so she could pay thirty dollars less or something like that. (w00t Mom!) Whislt there, I made be George be useful and take this photo. (I plan to photoshop it and make it cool later, which will be in another post.) I didn't really know what to do after that because we were going to go to George's brother's house and I didn't want to. I called up Peter Butter and hung out in front of his house for a good while. Next, I went to eat at The Sun: Chinese Mongolian Resturant with my mom and George. My Kkarnage was supposed to come with us but her mother was holding her hostage.): Anyhow after George being a dickholeto my mama at dd's Discounts, they dropped me off at the Bandera Bowl so I could bowl with last year's varsity mariachi group! (I found the I heart Obama belt at dd's Discounts!) I was really excited until I realized that only one person I really talked to was there... It really upset me that Luz was working and that Jaime wasn't there. So I was rather quiet but it was funny because I seemed to be the best at bowling. :D Well anyhow, I left early because it took forever for us to get a lane... The night ended with a lot of hugs.<3
New Year's Eve was fun partly. I went to go meet a group of friends at South Park Mall and from there they were taking me to a suprise place! I was pretty upset when my mom didn't want to drop me off at the mall because she felt "uncomfortable". -_-" I'm about to graduate high school and my mom is scared to leave me at a mall. GREAT. Anyhow, I convinced her and I ended up being at the mall alone for about an hour, lol. I ended up spending money and taking a photograph of that stool over to the right. Well when they finally got there, I sat shotgun because Ally was afriad of Maria's driving. No one really knew how to get where we were going so we drve around like idiots, which is always fun as ong as you don't end up in Mico, Texas.(: So we stopped at a Valero because I was thirsty and also so the other five of them could discuss the top secret plan. It was really funny because there was this guy, and what I assume to be his son, selling Corgi puppies for twenty-five dollars. 
Our whole group fell in love with the puppies lol, pffft WOMEN! I went inside and purchased a nasty, terrible, disgusting cupcake and a monster because I knew I would need the energy to keep up with everyone lol. Then we ended up in the middle of nowhere which is exactly where we were supposed to be. 
Well actually we were supposed to be a the donkey lady bridge which took us forever to get to and it was kinda lame lol. I think the best part of the whole thing was that we were all together as a group again and that was what mattered. It was quite a day of being scared and scaring the others ha ha. So even if nothing happened at the donkey lady bridge, we had a good time and made the best of it!<3 We ended up going downtown and driving around for about 3615723 hours well until eleven, lol. It was really crazy seeing $50 parking! Eventually my mom picked me up at Exxon and forced me to go to George's brother's to celebrate New Year's Eve. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this would not go down well. I guess things were going as a party normally progresses and then 3, 2, 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR! Fireworks popping. Yaaaayyy, well not really. I hate fireworks.): Well I was happy for the new year though because we had to pick my brother up from work at 12:30. "Finally," I tohught to myself, "I can go home and not be surrounded by these idiots!" But I was wrong. When we got to the Valero that my brother works at, he had to stay much later. My mom wanted to see her friend Ana, which I was completely not opposed to. Everything was fine until George was being a dick about Ana's son beating him in pool. She asked us to leave therefore we went to our old neighbor's house. I hate holidays and such because I feel like I'm a bracelet on my mother's wrist: I'm just an accessory that's always with her. She made me go "play with the kids" as in talking to a twelve, eight, and four year old. HOW FUN. -_-" Eventually we left and everything was fne. I was finally going to get some sleep, afterall, it was two in the morning. So we went again to pick up Nerd and this time we were successful yet George convinced my mom to go back to those people's house for yet another hour. I was really pissed and Nerd and I discussed this a lot. I could not help but cry./: We hung out with the little girls again and played with thier bunnies lol. So random. George stormed out of the house and my followed so Nerd and I got up and left. They were yelling at each other and being really stupid about a shirt. George was almost hitting my brother which really made me mad. No one is allowed to fuck with my mom like that.):< Moving on, my mom decided to drop George off beased on his drunkenness. My mom was driving on the highway, trying to ignore George and making our way to George's brother's. Completely fine by me, this fucker needed to go. As we approached the exit required to drop George off, he pushed the steering wheel the opposite way that we were headed and we almost hit the divider between the highway and the exit. MY heart was pounding and everyone yelled at George. Mom: "What the fuck do you think you're doing asshole?!?!" (She also smacked his head.) Nerd: "George quit your shit!" Me (crying): "You're gonna fucking kill us!" 
I was so scared that I would just die between the exit and the highway... and nobody would know. It would take forever for any of my friends to find out about my death. It was tragic. Upon approaching the next exit, the idiot pulled the same manuver but almost hit another vehicle. Repeats of the first aftermath, then we finally did get off the third exit. We finally arrived at George's brother's at around four (am). He took the key out of the ignition and ran off. He tried to throw a brick at my mom and failed due to drunkenness. He also has my mother's phone and her camera in his possesion which did litelt to improve the situation. Detail, details, details. We ended up going home with out him and arriving at around five in the morning. I tried to sleep but I couldn't until seven in the morning on New Year's day. New Year's day fell on a Saturday and I had one mission: La pulga! Prepare yourself for a lot of photgraphs!
Creepy Hello Kitty mask/cape combo
Botas!
Terrible depiction of Wall-e. Gotta love Mexico!
Texans = most proud people in the world!
Texans farm and drink at the same time. ;D
Batman, Hulk, Mr. Incredible, Thing, Spiderman
The colors are terrible!
Over sparkly belts. Puro Tejanos!
Spiderman, Hulk, Ben 10, Superman, Mini Batman
Toy Story heehee.
Mexican piggy banks
o.O
Powers Go-On Rangers
Have you ever just wanted to fuck Santa up? xD
Mas botas.
InterChange: War King
That's one sexy Hello Kitty
My feet and Jesus!
Yugi-Oh or Pokemon anyone?
Yeah....
Que Sexy! xD
The lady of my son.
iPod? xD
The night ended with Joey and the kiddos spending the night! It was super fun lol. We played the Wii and on the iPads and watched Funny People. Well I started to fall asleep during Funny People so me and Jazzpants slept in the room with the tempurpedic and Joey and his little brother slept in my room.
I guess my mom bought a rock hard tempurpedic because I woke up feeling terrible lol and the only part that made a dent in the material was my butt, lol. We had barbacoa (you know cow's head meat) for breakfast and then the kiddos left. I went to go hang out with &-D and Mr. Opportunity and our vehicle broke down! (I just found out that &-D's sister was the cause of our car troubles.) Grampy called to tell me something but ended up trying to assist &-D with the vehicular issues. He called to tell me that the college I want to go to isn't good enough... -_- We walked to Target and back then Mr. Oppurtunity and I slow danced on the side of the road, lol. We also counted thenumber of people who looked straight at us and did nothing about it. The original plan was to get gyros from Mini & Dimi's (A Greek resturant) but obviously that failed. Good thing there was a Chili's nearby. We started eating there then &-D's dad came to tow the vehicle home. We agreed that we would hang out again later, which we did, at arounf 11 pm. We got Sonic and then drove around lol. We ended up at my house until almost two in the morning. They bestowed the greatest Christmas presents to me; a photograph of them and Mexican candies! :D I hoped they would see me off the next morning and they hoped the same, until then I would sleep.
I woke up at a little passed four, got ready, and double checked if I missed anything. I was finally leaving, what a pain and a relief. I was ready much earlier than I needed to be but it was all good, Angie and Rico Suave would be awaitng me at the airport! Which I was very, very excited for because it has never happend for me before. &-D and Mr.Opportunity informed me that they could not make it which was okay because they had just seen me a few hours ago, lol. Well my mom woke up late and was rushing like usual. Lame. The last thing I saw before I left my mother's house was my baby Pawlie waiting by my suitcase. You can call me a baby... because I almost cried. I miss him soooo much! Well we made it to the airport and found Angie and Rico Suave at the Starbucks there. I ran over and hugged them and we talked as much as we could before it was time to say our goodbyes. It was so much fun and I know that I have the best friends in the world because I'm sure that not everyone would wake up before 6:00 am just to have thirty minutes together before I leave. It was really funny when Angie and I did the hand thing through the security glass and such. Rico Suave owes me that photo! It was a great way to start the day.
Look at the troll to the left, lol.
<3
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