I shattered her heart when I uttered the truth

     I finally did it. I finally mustered the courage and strength it took to say the things I've been meaning to say for such a long time. I told Part Two exactly what she didn't want to hear and yet, she wanted to know. It was like she was waiting for an outside source to confirm what she already feared. As I told her, face to face, just the surface of what had happened, she looked at me eagerly, almost expectantly. When I told her that there was a brief time in the summer, she ran away crying.

     My heart hurt after seeing that but I still made my way to class. "I told her," I said to Brandon. He was surprised and quite frankly, so was I. I went to class and I talked about it and felt like I needed to tell her everything, not just what I had addressed in person.

     When I got home I sent her a message on facebook (I know, how square) and confessed everything. I typed the original note to the T. And then we discussed it and what she was going to do, she broke up with him. And oddly enough, I feel a new closeness to her. Even though I caused a mess, I was there to clean it up when it got bad.

     I feel a little stronger now, like I've accomplished a terrible task that needed to be done. I can't help but to feel sorrow in my heart as well... It's as though I know I've done right with this but I can't help but feel bad for the situation. I hope everything gets better for Part Two and that Part One suffers as much as she did.

Time to start from square one.

(Above Image.)

Goal #65: Write a song, Goal #66: Compose music

     I got lucky and have managed to take down two goals at one request! Let me exaplin this to you in a bit
more detail. My dear friend, Chris, asked me to write a song about love. Simple enough, right? I wrote the song in a total for three or four hours and instantly felt that it needed piano. I came up with a complex series of "doo-doo-doo's" and ended up making a melody for the music. I also have to record, play, and sing, this song of mine, so that should be interesting. I have not completely finished the composing part, I just need to do two more parts and I'll be set! (And so will my friend ha ha ha.) I might make a music video and put it on Youtube and get as famous as Rebecca Black, except, I believe people will enjoy my music.(x Who knows what it could lead to? I sure don't, but I know that I'm proud of myself for going with my goals and opportuniy is opportunity! No way, I'm not gonna take this chance.
     Anyhow, I'll let you see the first verse and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! The song is called Darling for obvious reasons.


"The way that you smile, makes time worthwhile,
Your perfectly sheveled hair, the way I like to stare---at you---(doodoodoo, doodoodoo, doo-doo),
And the shine in your eyes, are reasons why---I adore you---
Darling, darling, darling."

And now you must wait for the real thing! You got a sample for now, I'll keep you posted!(:

     The crowded streets don't bother me any, they are just a means to make my method of travel more complicated and enticing. The wind blowing against me is a pain but I try not to let it phase me, it'll pass and help me in the time to come. I close my eyes briefly enough to imagine a new world ahead of me, enough to clear my head of any bad thoughts, enough to make me crack the tiniest smile. I exhale and my eyes open as I swerve to avoid anyone in my path. The wind brings me to a near stop as it blows my hair swiftly behind me. I kick and wipe the sweat that has gathered under my fringe of bangs. Then turn around and repeat, this time with the wind on my side.
     Yes it's not always perfect or pretty and it does hurt quite a bit, but every push off the pavement is worth it. Every bruise, every bail, every fall, every almost fail, every move made is worth the feeling of gliding across the pavement.

"It's like surfing on concrete."

Goal #119: Get a driver's license

Here is the original post with my goals on it if you'd like to check it out: Before I perish.

  

   Before I get to this current goal, I have completed Goal #69: Model (again) but I'll post it when they send me the official photographs so you get the whole nine yards. :D And now, my license!

     

     I was excited as ever to get my license. I woke up long before either of my alarms went off--nervous energy, I suppose. Time seemed to pass so slowly as I got ready, ate breakfast, and waited for my dad. We practiced parallel parking beforehand, just incase I was tested on it, and then we made our way to a Virginia DMV.

     Papa and I talked to the receptionist who claimed that I wouldn't need to take the driving test. My dad and I were skeptical because we both knew that I hadn't taken the test, but she insisted that I just needed my photograph taken and a temporary license would be issued. 

     To pass the time, Papa and I made fun of the people around us like "poofy-hair dude" and "dirty sweater guy!" We even started making one of the "Real Men of Genius" commercials for the dirty sweater guy. It would go something like this:

"Budwiser Presents Real Men of Genius, (Real Men of Genius) Today we salute you Mister dirty white sweater wearer guy. (Dirty white shirt wearer guy) When out in public your sweater says, "Hey world, this guy is a human carpet."(Bleach won't save you)"

     Something like that ha ha ha.(: Well after being up at the counter for half an hour and sitting patiently for another half hour, we were told that I would need to take the driving test after all. (KNEW IT!) I was anxious but not afraid, I had full confidence in myself and it paid off! I got minus two overall, after stopping a wee bit passed the sign and not changing lanes properly. I wasn't comfortable and wasn't going to endanger the lady so, you know. I think I did the right thing. She said she was surprised at how good of a driver I was with my age, ha ha. Don't underestimate me!(:<
     Now I wait! My hard copy will arrive in the mail sometime before the end of May, until then, I'm rocking this baby!

"One day Penny"

     I started crying after I read those three simple words. Not I love you, or I need you, just "one day Penny." And before I explain to you why this simple jest towards the future hit me so hard, I'm going to tell you about the person who said those words.

     It was spring of my seventh grade year, I was twelve. My classmates and I were being relocated into another classroom so we could take the TAKS test in a better environment--our advisory period was in the band hall which is not a good place to take a state standardized test. The class got relocated into the room behind ours, the journalism room. That's where we met, Raymond and I. I wrote him a note and I know he thought I was a weird little girl, but without that who knows if we would have ever become friends? We would write notes often, usually about nothing, but they were our way of learning about each other. We had the same lunch and after we finished eating we had the option of doing various things out on the blacktop. The choices were: basketball, soccer, four-square, volleyball, walking, or sitting at one of the tables. On this particular day Raymond and I decided to play soccer--he ended up falling on top of me as we both went for the ball. It just seemed that as the days, weeks, months, and years that passed, nothing could get in between our amazing friendship.
     We formed the "Confusion Group" and we did some of the craziest things together. We walked to school, which required running across the highway, running through a corn field, and being on a pretty dangerous farm road. We partied and even then, Raymond was there at my defense. When rumors we spread about me, he was the first to say, "Fuck them Passíon, what do they know?" He kept me safe and I knew that I could always count on him with everything.
     But things changed when this little lady came into his life. I didn't like her from the start because she pushed her way into our group, she tried so hard to befriend the group because she was Raymond's girl; but I don't like that. I don't want to be your friend because you go out with my best friend, I want us to be friends because you want to be friends on your own. I let it be known that I didn't like her and most of the group was appalled, especially my best friend Raymond. He felt like I was talking shit about his girl and Lesley (another legit member of Confusion) thought I was talking shit about her new best friend.
     Most of the group stopped talking to me for that stupid reason and I hated it. I started hanging out with different friends but I knew that I was miserable that my entire group ditched me for the girlfriend of my best friend, well, former. He would call me occasionally and leave rude, angry voicemails and they would just tear at my heartstrings; all this time hiding the hope I've always had in him.
     "I don't care," I'd mutter to myself, "he left me. I don't care." Yet I knew that I was constantly lying to myself, how could I not care that my best friend stood up and left. This was the best friend whose sister's car I had run into a fence, the best friend who kept me warm in our shed of a clubhouse that late winter night, the best friend that encouraged me to be daring when I was too scared to be anything but sheltered. This was the best friend that left me helpless and alone...
     I cannot keep a grudge in my heart because I'm not evil, because there is no reason other than ugly self-absorption to hold a grudge hostage. I don't remember exactly when I was that I forgave him for leaving me, but I did. Deep in my heart he's still the best best friend I've had, minus a few discrepancies like the panties incident. (Which I now look back and laugh at.)
     And I've been hopelessly crying this entire post, ha ha. But those words, "One day Penny" mean so much more from Raymond than if any other person in the world had said them. Even if he had called me Patience, Petition, Pubes, Puberty, Lust, Desire, Neftali, or any of the other nicknames he and Edgar came up with for me in eighth grade, it still would have hit me hard. Just the mere hope that one day we'll get as close as we were in all those years of our youth and idiocy, that's something that you can't take away, ever. I love this best friend of mine even though we've been through some of the worst shit, but that just makes us that much stronger right?<3

This was the day that we walked to school.

(: