Oh how destructive

I looked in an old notebook of mine and I am going to share with you a terrible entry. I cried after reading it because it's so... unlike myself, as I am now. I suppose it was a poem but... well I'll let you examine it.


"I look at my reflection whose eyes are as red as mine and say, 'darling, you're ugly.'
Her eyes begin to tear and she starts to sob. She says back to me, 'darling, you're ugly.'
How dare she speak to me that way, a frown upon my face
It's time to put her in her place.
She frowns back at me as though she sees what's coming, but does she?
I raise my fist up and she stares back with no surprise.
I sock her in the face and she continues to cry.
Her cheeks are tender and moist with tears.
In her I have instilled no fear.
It makes me angry that she seems to feel no pain,
the punches get stronger but it's still the same.
'You're stupid,' I whisper, hoping to rouse an evil spirit within;
Yet in spite of me she whispers it right back again.
'Your foolish games are useless, I know that you're in pain.'
'You're only hurting yourself. You need to cease this charade.'
I raise my fist to strike her but it drops to my side,
but I pick it up again---refusing her advice.
I bash her cheeks, left then right, leaving behind bruises of brutal self-destruction.
She weeps for me now and not for herself; she sees my errors and only wants to help.
As long as she's not hurting, I cannot stop---the pain is not the same alone.
It'll continue this way, my reflection and me.
Until the day I listen, the day I feel and see.
Goodnight my reflection, I shall see you again."

-November 3rd, 2010

I shattered her heart when I uttered the truth

     I finally did it. I finally mustered the courage and strength it took to say the things I've been meaning to say for such a long time. I told Part Two exactly what she didn't want to hear and yet, she wanted to know. It was like she was waiting for an outside source to confirm what she already feared. As I told her, face to face, just the surface of what had happened, she looked at me eagerly, almost expectantly. When I told her that there was a brief time in the summer, she ran away crying.

     My heart hurt after seeing that but I still made my way to class. "I told her," I said to Brandon. He was surprised and quite frankly, so was I. I went to class and I talked about it and felt like I needed to tell her everything, not just what I had addressed in person.

     When I got home I sent her a message on facebook (I know, how square) and confessed everything. I typed the original note to the T. And then we discussed it and what she was going to do, she broke up with him. And oddly enough, I feel a new closeness to her. Even though I caused a mess, I was there to clean it up when it got bad.

     I feel a little stronger now, like I've accomplished a terrible task that needed to be done. I can't help but to feel sorrow in my heart as well... It's as though I know I've done right with this but I can't help but feel bad for the situation. I hope everything gets better for Part Two and that Part One suffers as much as she did.

Time to start from square one.

(Above Image.)

Goal #65: Write a song, Goal #66: Compose music

     I got lucky and have managed to take down two goals at one request! Let me exaplin this to you in a bit
more detail. My dear friend, Chris, asked me to write a song about love. Simple enough, right? I wrote the song in a total for three or four hours and instantly felt that it needed piano. I came up with a complex series of "doo-doo-doo's" and ended up making a melody for the music. I also have to record, play, and sing, this song of mine, so that should be interesting. I have not completely finished the composing part, I just need to do two more parts and I'll be set! (And so will my friend ha ha ha.) I might make a music video and put it on Youtube and get as famous as Rebecca Black, except, I believe people will enjoy my music.(x Who knows what it could lead to? I sure don't, but I know that I'm proud of myself for going with my goals and opportuniy is opportunity! No way, I'm not gonna take this chance.
     Anyhow, I'll let you see the first verse and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! The song is called Darling for obvious reasons.


"The way that you smile, makes time worthwhile,
Your perfectly sheveled hair, the way I like to stare---at you---(doodoodoo, doodoodoo, doo-doo),
And the shine in your eyes, are reasons why---I adore you---
Darling, darling, darling."

And now you must wait for the real thing! You got a sample for now, I'll keep you posted!(:

     The crowded streets don't bother me any, they are just a means to make my method of travel more complicated and enticing. The wind blowing against me is a pain but I try not to let it phase me, it'll pass and help me in the time to come. I close my eyes briefly enough to imagine a new world ahead of me, enough to clear my head of any bad thoughts, enough to make me crack the tiniest smile. I exhale and my eyes open as I swerve to avoid anyone in my path. The wind brings me to a near stop as it blows my hair swiftly behind me. I kick and wipe the sweat that has gathered under my fringe of bangs. Then turn around and repeat, this time with the wind on my side.
     Yes it's not always perfect or pretty and it does hurt quite a bit, but every push off the pavement is worth it. Every bruise, every bail, every fall, every almost fail, every move made is worth the feeling of gliding across the pavement.

"It's like surfing on concrete."

Goal #119: Get a driver's license

Here is the original post with my goals on it if you'd like to check it out: Before I perish.

  

   Before I get to this current goal, I have completed Goal #69: Model (again) but I'll post it when they send me the official photographs so you get the whole nine yards. :D And now, my license!

     

     I was excited as ever to get my license. I woke up long before either of my alarms went off--nervous energy, I suppose. Time seemed to pass so slowly as I got ready, ate breakfast, and waited for my dad. We practiced parallel parking beforehand, just incase I was tested on it, and then we made our way to a Virginia DMV.

     Papa and I talked to the receptionist who claimed that I wouldn't need to take the driving test. My dad and I were skeptical because we both knew that I hadn't taken the test, but she insisted that I just needed my photograph taken and a temporary license would be issued. 

     To pass the time, Papa and I made fun of the people around us like "poofy-hair dude" and "dirty sweater guy!" We even started making one of the "Real Men of Genius" commercials for the dirty sweater guy. It would go something like this:

"Budwiser Presents Real Men of Genius, (Real Men of Genius) Today we salute you Mister dirty white sweater wearer guy. (Dirty white shirt wearer guy) When out in public your sweater says, "Hey world, this guy is a human carpet."(Bleach won't save you)"

     Something like that ha ha ha.(: Well after being up at the counter for half an hour and sitting patiently for another half hour, we were told that I would need to take the driving test after all. (KNEW IT!) I was anxious but not afraid, I had full confidence in myself and it paid off! I got minus two overall, after stopping a wee bit passed the sign and not changing lanes properly. I wasn't comfortable and wasn't going to endanger the lady so, you know. I think I did the right thing. She said she was surprised at how good of a driver I was with my age, ha ha. Don't underestimate me!(:<
     Now I wait! My hard copy will arrive in the mail sometime before the end of May, until then, I'm rocking this baby!