The Queen of Hearts (Poem)

I don't have a lot fill you in on. I've been sick and I've done things of little importance since my last post. Here's something I wrote.


Queen of Hearts

As opposed to the other queens of the deck, the Queen of Hearts is the worst. You see, the Queen of Spades is just one of your everyday gardeners; plants are really her forte.While the Queen of Diamonds on the other hand, is just a woman who wishes to own the most lavish and elegant jewerly. Leaving the Queen of Clubs to playing golf and other organized activites. At long last we get to the worst of them all, the Queen of Hearts. She loves to play with the hearts of all her people. She lures in the men with lust, the women with riches, and the children with sweets and toys. She makes them comit thier love to her and only her. Then the Queen of Hearts tells them all her beautiful, seemingly innocent lies. They eat it up like maggots on a dead body... And just when they give her thier souls, she devours into them and leaves the body and mind to wander until it realizes what occured. They're always lost. They're always asking for the queen that they love so much. They try to warn others, but no one can resist the Queen of Hearts. Why else do you think the King of Hearts is still by her side?

(6.10.2009)

Clinging to fear

     The sweat drenched people surrounded me, no they engulfed and suffocated me. Their large forms took my tiny body hostage. I was getting so battered and brusied that my stomach was cleaching in pain. I felt the strong need to vomit so I forced my way out of what seemed to be a never ending sea of hot, moving human bodies. There I stood, looming over the toliet, awaiting that painful moment when my last meal would greet me. I started to hyperventilate and my fingers froze stiff, I didn't know what was happening to me. "You need to go to the hospital," she said. I cried and I begged and pleaded not to go, that I was okay. I blacked out, everything was okay.
     "We need to talk..." he began, with a tone of seriousness that I was quite unfamilar with.
     "I'm listening to you, begin when you're ready."
     "I can't be part of your life anymore, not with the way things are going."
     "What are you talking about?! You can't just leave my life, it's not that easy."
     "Anything can be made easy. It just has to be done."
     "You don't have to do this! We can be friends, we always have been."
     "No, it's what's best for you. And it seems like you don't really care anymore."
     I thought to myself, "Would I be standing out here in this terribly cold weather if I didn't care?" But instead I said, "I do care. How can I not care?"
     He sighed, "Look you don't have to worry about me, I'm going to be gone. Out. Of. Your. Life."
     "How am I not going to worry about you?" I stammered, warm tears flowing gently down my face, "I won't see you now, not more than a glance. I won't know what you're up to or anything... How could this make me worry any less? If anything it'll make me worry more."
     I watched the tears form at his bottom eyelash, but he didn't let them proceed any further. "What do you want me to do?"
     "Be my friend... Don't just leave my life."
     "We both know I can't do that. How will I be able to resist the urge to hold you, to be with you? Anyway you have something good going for you. I don't want to be that one slip up."
     "Just..."
     "Just what?!"
     "Stay."
     But you don't stay, you walk away into the cold night and I retire into my home. I cry into my dinner and fear that there's nothing left, that there will never be anything ever. And you're going to forget about me like I've always told you you would. I'm going to sit on my soap box and mourn for you even though you're so close I could touch you.
     How does this end? Where is the "dude" at the end of our converation? I guess there isn't one, but I can hope there is, can't I?

Goal #112: Stand up for someone

     Today the people at our lunch table were talking trash about this girl who I will call Lilith. They always call her names and yell things at her and it was making me mad. I'll be honest, I did say some bad things about her but I stopped. I mean, I hate it when people make fun of me and I know that she has feelings too. I felt guilty, like I needed to tell Lilith that I was sorry for the words of my friends and myself.
     The lunch bell was about to ring when I saw Lilith sitting alone, eating. I thought that it would be the perfect time to tell her what was on my mind. I approached her and said, "I'm sorry of all of the things that my friends and I have said to you. We have no right to judge you because we don't know you at all." The conversation went on for a while and she explained why one of my friends hated her. Then the bell rang and we went our seperate ways. I was very pround of myself. :D

And I know you're getting bored so here you go, my favorite video of now!

Ribbit

     As the events of today proceeded, I flashed back to when I used to live in Okinawa, Japan. I thought of the day when I jumped off the steps of of the bright yellow school bus, much unlike those of America, and walked down the long set of outdoor stairs that led to my elementary school. As I approached one of the turns of the staircase, I spotted a small frog. I crouched down and told it to wait for me, and that after school I would take it home. When school was over my frog was nowhere to be found and I should have guessed as much, but I was only eight or nine.
     I'm not sure why I remember that, but maybe it's important. Maybe it's going to be one of the memories that flashes before my eyes while I'm dying. Maybe it means much more than it appears. I don't know. But right now, I feel like that frog.

"I have too much love," he said

I responded, "There is no such thing as having too much love, you just need to learn how to tame it."

     I'm a nervous wreck on the inside, and I'm hoping that my thoughts will move you. I'm like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth with thoughts but saying nothing. I'm helpless at this. I can feel my mouth forming the words I so desperately want you to hear, but nothing comes out. Have you ever seen The Little Mermaid? Do you remember how Ariel fell madly in love with Eric, and Eric fell madly in love with her singing? Do you remember how Ariel asked Ursula for legs, but in exchange Ursula would take Ariel's voice? So then Eric believed that Ursula was Ariel and she couldn't say a word to prove him wrong... Yeah, well something like that but less dramatic.
     Some days, I want to write you so much. I want to pin my heart to your shirt so you don't forget that it's yours too. I want to speak into an envelope addressed to you then seal it with with a kiss; and when you recieve it you'll open it up and hear my voice whisper to you. My words will brush your cheeks like I imagine my hand would as I reach over to touch your ears.
     But then I remember how bad I am at speaking; how much trouble I have with simple words that make it seem like English wasn't my first language. Your spoken letter would be full of long silences, "hmmmm..." 's, and scrambled up words. But then, in essense, it would truly be me. You wouldn't recieve a paper of well thought out verses but rather, an unmasked me. You wouldn't just read the generic "ha ha" or "lol" you would hear my inconsistant laughter at my own lewd remarks.
     So I reflect on my idea and think that maybe all my poorly spoken English isn't so bad. Maybe you hearing the cracks in my voice, my stumbling over words, and maybe you'll get lucky and hear me sneeze. Though, it's all just a dream... but I'm allowed to dream, aren't I?