Goal updates 2!

Goal #30: Graduate high school

Salem High School graduate of 2011.

 No looking back!

(:

Goal #69: Model (again)

So this happened quite a while ago, but photos never came so I'll give you what I have.(:

 First off, you should know that the people at Salon Mosaic are amazing stylists! These wigs are their creation and I felt the need to express my complete and utter satisfaction with them. And yes, that is a link to their facebook page... they're just that good! If you're in the Virginia Beach area and need a new do... GO TO SALON MOSAIC!

<3

Before...

Phase One!

Complete, with red.

Gothic stripper? 

xD

We became Barbie dolls, I of the skeletal type.

Goal #14: Take up photography

 Abandoned asylum.

 Stella&Ricardo

<3

 Beauty under bridges

 This kid! 

:D

Fin.

Far from an ordinary thought process

     I'm in a mood where I feel unnoticed and under-appreciated. It's my own spewed state of mind but it's at that state nonetheless. I feel like I need to get on top of a tall building and shout my name to passersby. I feel like I'm being silenced even though I have it in me to speak. But that's why I'm here---to lift the silence, to share with you the mazes inside my mind, to show you how I think.
     When something is wrong or "off" in my world, I expect the ocean to become calm and listen to me. I expect wars to cease and kings to pay their dues. When I'm not myself nothing else should be itself. It's selfish, I know, but it's the way I am. If you are one of those kings or if you are my ocean, I expect you to listen to my stupidity. Maybe I don't want your advice, maybe I do; but either way, I have put the burden of importance on you. When I need you, I really fucking need you. I can't stand to be second to anything, especially when things aren't in their places...
     But you have to understand that this is not because I place myself higher than anyone else. I don't have these ridiculously high expectations because I'm better than everyone, I have these expectations because I hope that I am someone's ocean. I expect the world and back because I would give the world and back.
     Though I suppose I shouldn't expect so much because I tend to find myself alone. Yet, that is my doing as well. I kind of square myself off and expect my important people to feel that something is wrong; like everyone's "Passíon senses" should be tingling. Okay, maybe not that dramatic, ha ha.
     You understand where I am going with this, yes? If not, I'm basically getting to the roots of my thinking. The main thought when I'm in a lowly mood, such as this, is that everyone who I find important should care that something is bothering me. It's just because I care a lot about my important people, and I hope they will be there for me like I am always there for them.

If I love you,

take care to love me back.

(:

Dear mother,

     I don't think you'll ever get the hang of this job. No not your job at BAMC or your job at the bar; I'm talking about you job as a mother. You don't know what it means to be a mother. I mean, yes you've gone through the pain of child birth and raising my brother and myself as little ones, but once we were old enough to live on our own you took advantage of that. When I say "old enough to live on our own" I meant at the age that we could talk well enough, make our own food in the microwave, and knew that we had each other to count on.
     In the third grade I had a cell phone when no one else did, do you remember why? It was so I would always have a way to contact you; from the times Michael and I played outside to the times you'd go out and party so late. I can't believe I grew up thinking that it was normal to be left at home like that. How old was I mom? I think I was seven or eight which means Michael must have been ten or eleven. That's the prime time for you to leave your kids at home alone, right? So you teach them that it's completely normal and they just go a long with it.
     I remember a few years after we moved back to Texas. I had been at Tania's house and they had dinner at six. It felt weird to be there because I never had dinner before 8 o'clock. Dinner was whenever you got home. If you decided to cook, it was even later.
     I look back at our life and cannot even imagine how it was to be with you and Papa. I can't imagine you guys ever sharing a kiss or a hug or even a friendly embrace that was not a complete facade...
     But basically what I'm getting at, mom, is that you haven't been a mother to me in so long. You've been an adult friend who acted like a parent when something went wrong. You have been there to provide me a shelter and options of food. You make fun of me and mock me like it doesn't affect me but you're just a bully. You're controlling and manipulative, cunning yet idiotic, and most notably---money hungry.
     I'm not a check that you can use for your silly business transactions, I'm a person; your daughter even. I deserve more respect than you give and because you decline to give me that, I hate you. I loathe you and your stupid decisions...
     But you're always my mother, and for that I love you.

Sincerely,

Passíon Leon 

I want simplicity

     I'm tired of getting involved in relationships with guys I really like... whose exes also really like them. For whatever reason, or no reason at all, I tend to like guys who have recently left a long term relationship or are currently ending it. To clarify, yes. That does mean that I have been "the other girl;" a role that I never want to play again in my life...

My definition of simplicity in a relationship: It's just us. No exes harassing me on the internet or hating my guts for no reason. Communication. Honesty. Love.

     Though I'm not sure if I'll ever achieve that. Last night I got a stupid message on facebook from Zach's ex-girlfriend. I don't believe a lick of it but it just bothers me that she would even contact me. There's always a few reasons why we don't listen to these people and for her they're pretty much the standard:

1. She hates my guts for no reason whatsoever. 
2. I never knew her and, in fact, I still don't know her. 
3. I don't want to know her. 
4. Because everything said on the internet is the truth. NOT. 
5. She's my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. 
6. Did I mention that she hate my guts without cause?

     I want her to go away. This isn't the first time this has happened though, but at least I'm not "the other girl" this time. So you could say I'm learning!(: (Ha ha, way to make a positive out of a negative.) That's all for now, this smidgen of a rant.

I don't want anyone else,

just you & me,

seeking eternal simplicity.

<3

You have to love them

      Family. That's who I'm talking about today. The people you hate the most but continue to love even though they bug the shit out of you and don't know what respect is.
     I arrived in Texas yesterday at noon. I hate it already. There are two family members in this city that I really do not mind be around at all. Those two are my brother and my Mankie (grandmother.) My brother is understanding and he wants to get out of here too. My Mankie isn't mean and vindictive like the other two major components of my family.
     My mother and my Grampy (grandfather) are the two I cannot stand. The ones that make me cringe at the thought of being home. The two that could turn any vacation of mine into a pseudo-hell. Every statement I make is, apparently, open to criticism and mockery.


Here's a conversation that just happened:
Mother: "So you're joining the Air Force?"
Me: "Yes, as long as I can gain ten pounds and this ear hole closes."
Mother: "It's from having those fucking gauges in..."
Me: "Yeah, well that doesn't matter..."
Mother: -Starts walking away because she assumed I put them back in after December, when she forced me to take them out.-
Michael: -Enters room-
Me: "No mom. I haven't had them in since December..." -Pauses- "Yeah, now she's not going to listen to me."
Michael: "Just don't bother with her or the rest of them. I'm actually trying to get my own place again."
Me: "That's good. Yeah, fuck them."
Mother: -Returns- "Are y'all hungry?"
Me: "No."
Mother: "You're not going to gain any weight if you don't eat."
Me: -Rolls eyes-


     It's so stupid. Every decision I make is wrong to them, and it's not that I care so much as I want them to stop thinking I need their approval on anything. It's my life, I'm going to live it how I want to. I don't care that I'm only "almost" 18, I'm more adult than you think. I'm on vacation not on house cleaning duty. Respect me.